Episode 16 - Time Is Killing Me: Rewriting the Story of Aging, Energy, and Possibility
Time Is Killing Me: Rewriting the Story of Aging, Energy, and Possibility
What if time is not the enemy?
What if the stories we tell ourselves about age, productivity, energy, and what is “too late” have more power over us than the clock itself?
In this episode of Builders of a Better World, Ashlieya and Neff explore the ways we experience time—not only as minutes and years passing, but as a deeply personal relationship shaped by attention, expectation, environment, and belief.
The conversation begins with a provocative thought: “Time is killing me.” Not because time itself is harmful, but because we can internalize the idea that every passing year moves us farther from vitality, possibility, physical capacity, or relevance. This episode is an invitation to question that story.
Time is more than a clock
We all know the feeling: an hour can disappear when we are immersed in something we love, yet five minutes can feel endless when we are uncomfortable, anxious, or waiting for something to happen.
That contrast raises an important question: if time can feel so different depending on our state, what else might be possible when we become more present?
Ashlieya and Neff reflect on attention, nervous-system state, and flow. They explore how presence can make a meaningful moment feel expansive, while fear, urgency, and rigid expectations can make life feel compressed and scarce.
The goal is not to deny the usefulness of calendars, routines, or deadlines. Time can be an excellent tool. But a tool should serve us—not become the authority that decides whether we are behind, too old, too late, or not enough.
Rewriting the story of aging
Many of us receive messages about aging long before we consciously choose to believe them:
“You should have figured this out by now.”
“You are too old to start.”
“Your best physical years are behind you.”
“This is just what happens at your age.”
“It is too late to become who you want to be.”
This episode asks listeners to become more discerning about those messages.
Rewriting the story of aging does not require pretending that change does not exist. Bodies change. Seasons change. Relationships change. Life is always in motion. The invitation is to release the assumption that change must always mean diminishment.
What would shift if you approached your body, energy, creativity, and capacity with curiosity rather than a countdown?
What if you let possibility—not fear—be part of the story you tell about your future?
Energy deserves intention
The conversation also makes room for a more compassionate relationship with energy.
Ashlieya shares that she deeply values people and relationships while also experiencing social interaction as draining. Rather than judging that reality, she speaks about allowing herself intentional time to replenish. Recovery is not something to apologize for. It is part of thriving.
There is a meaningful difference between saying, “I am exhausted because something is wrong with me,” and saying, “I exerted myself, and now I need recuperation.”
That distinction removes unnecessary judgment. It gives us permission to honor our individual rhythms, capacities, and needs without turning them into evidence that we are failing.
You do not need to earn rest by reaching burnout. You can make space to refill your cup because you are a human being with a body, a nervous system, and a life worth tending.
Seek to appreciate
One of the clearest themes in this episode is a practice Ashlieya returns to repeatedly:
Seek to appreciate, and you’ll never be disappointed.
This is not an instruction to ignore what is difficult or pretend that every experience is enjoyable. It is an invitation to approach people, ideas, and situations with the question: What is here for me?
Neff illustrates this through his experience listening to a book whose structured, aggressive approach did not fully resonate with him. Rather than dismissing it, he looked for the part that did apply to his life. What he found was a powerful reminder: do not make excuses for the things you genuinely want to do.
That principle can apply to time, relationships, and self-leadership. We do not have to adopt every perspective wholesale to receive something valuable from it. We can listen, discern, appreciate, and choose what supports our own growth.
Build the best you
At its heart, this episode returns to the mission of Builders of a Better World: we build a better world by building ourselves.
That means questioning the limits we have inherited. It means choosing presence over panic, restoration over self-judgment, and possibility over resignation. It means letting time become something we use with intention rather than something we fear.
You may not control every circumstance. You may not control every change. But you can participate in the meaning you assign, the beliefs you reinforce, and the way you meet your life.
So, how do you want to use time?
How do you want to relate to your body, your energy, your future, and your own potential?
Maybe the first step is simply this: stop treating your life like a countdown.
Listen to the episode
Listen to “Time Is Killing Me: Rewriting the Story of Aging, Energy, and Possibility” for a candid, expansive conversation about time, presence, energy, aging, self-belief, and what it means to build a life that feels more aligned with who you are becoming.
Due to length and size limitations, this episode is not available ad-free. Listen through our podcast host below or through the playlist on our home page.
Transcript:
Welcome to Builders of a Better World Podcast, a space for depth, clarity, and honest conversation, where presence matters more than performance. Let’s begin.
Ashlieya: So, what are we talking about today?
Ashlieya: The understanding of time as… well… You had a lot of thoughts about that. You have been listening to a book.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: So, why don't you talk about that?
Neff: So, specifically, in this book, he started talking about Newtonian versus Einstein time.
Ashlieya: Yeah.
Neff: And he might have coined that phrase; I don't know. But from what I understand, his perspective is that we actually are time, in a sense.
Ashlieya: Yes.
Neff: I think it is fascinating. I think it is fascinating. And he gave a couple of examples, which are so true. There are times—I'm using the word “time”—there are moments—
Ashlieya: Time after—
Neff: Yeah, exactly. There are moments when time seems to fly by; we use that terminology. And then there are moments when time seems to crawl or take forever, right? If you're waiting for something, like watching a pot boil, it's going to take forever. If you are in an uncomfortable situation, or you're doing something that you're not enjoying, then it seems to go by much slower. And then, when you're having a great time, you're like, “Oh, time flies when you're having fun.” They even have those stereotypical—what are they called?—comments like that, right?
Ashlieya: Yeah.
Neff: “Time flies when you're having fun.” Sayings, right? And how do you tap into that? What's your opinion, I guess? When I heard this, I was like, “This is fascinating.” What is your opinion? Because how do you tap into knowing that time isn't quite as straightforward as we think it is? Do you know what I mean?
Ashlieya: My immediate, just because of my background, is to go to the understanding of the brain. Which I don't like to speak to so much, because I don't want this podcast to be about me discussing neuroscience, because there are other podcasts that do that. But yes, we have a way of using our attention, using our focus, using our nervous system, and using the power of presence to, in some way, speed up or slow down time.
Neff: Amazing, right?
Ashlieya: Totally. Totally.
Neff: Yeah. I think it's just fascinating.
Ashlieya: Yes, of course. You had so much else, though, to speak about when it came to that, I thought. There were other things that you brought up.
Neff: You're absolutely correct. And I wrote this thing down, which I think—again, this is my experience and my perspective—but I wrote this thing down saying, “Time is killing me.”
Ashlieya: Mmmm Hmmm. What?
Neff: Right? And that our understanding of the clock and days and time and all of that stuff, again, is perceptive, right? It's what we're perceiving. So, we're perceiving ourselves getting older. So, what are we actually doing to ourselves? We're aging ourselves because we're getting close to what we would consider mortality or death.
Ashlieya: The brain is a prediction machine.
Neff: Exactly.
Ashlieya: Right? It predicts things, and your anticipation of something is actually causing it.
Neff: It's creating it.
Ashlieya: Yes. That's not to say—
Neff: We are creators.
Ashlieya: We are creators. That's not to say that we will never age, although I argue it is possible to not age. I argue it is possible to not age. I argue it is possible to not age. Prince.
Neff: Exactly. There's actually three—no, there's actually two actual proven things. Go ahead and tell about Prince. That's one of my favorites.
Ashlieya: Prince didn't believe in birthdays.
Neff: He didn't have birthdays.
Ashlieya: He had one birthday, which is the day you're born.
Neff: The day you're born.
Ashlieya: And he refused to age.
Neff: He refused to acknowledge the passing of a year, which, again, in our minds, is a year closer to death. And did he not look like he was still just extremely young?
Ashlieya: I mean, we don't know the totality of how he lived his life. I personally never met Prince. But I do think he was a strikingly youthful lad.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Sure.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: I like the sentiment of not projecting age and not accepting it as something that must happen at a specific rate or speed because, as we talked about at the beginning, we have the ability, through the power of our perception, to speed up or slow down time—how quickly things transform.
We do know that… we live in this three-dimensional universe and we do know that, simply with everything being made of atoms and matter—right? Energy and frequency—literally the law of the way this world is constructed, nothing is stagnant. Nothing is stationary.
Neff: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Things are changing.
Neff: Right.
Ashlieya: And they're ever-changing, and they're cyclical, right? So, you know, cellular rejuvenation and cellular turnover is cyclical, right? A cell—the whole—it’s a cyclical thing. The nature of its existence and energetic frequency and that which it does, like, it's all about that.
But we don't have to continue to perpetuate the notion or understanding that it has to happen at a certain duration.
Neff: Absolutely. Or a certain rate.
Ashlieya: Or a certain rate. There are people—and you call it whatever you want to attribute it to: lifestyle, genetics, all the things—that don't age as quickly as some.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And if, for whatever reason, to whatever degree, people are aging slower than others, it means it is possible.
Neff: Absolutely. One of the examples that I pulled up is the fact that, when you are in your youth, you really feel immortal in a sense, right? Like, you definitely feel like you can do anything. You're usually full of vitality, you know, that kind of a thing.
They actually—I'm bringing that up because they actually did do a study where they took some men who were in their sixties and seventies and put them into a controlled environment where they made them dress like they did when they were younger.
Ashlieya: Yeah, I love this. Yes.
Neff: They gave them an environment that was very similar to when they were younger—
Ashlieya: …posters and pictures. They totally set the environment, almost like a period piece, right back in the day to when they were younger.
Neff: As if they were younger. Like everything. And what did they do? They started acting younger. They walked—
Ashlieya: They walked differently.
Neff: They did everything. They had more vitality.
Ashlieya: They stood taller, literally.
Neff: The fact that just being in an environment that reminded them of when they were a teenager or when they were younger made them physically respond in a different way.
Ashlieya: Well, and they say too that in relationships with age differences, the younger becomes older and the older becomes younger. There is actually this influence.
Neff: Isn't that interesting? Actually, Dick Van Dyke, he says it straight up. He is married to a woman, I think, that is thirty—no, yeah—thirty years younger than him.
Ashlieya: Yeah.
Neff: And he swears that part of his longevity of life is due to the fact that she is that age.
Ashlieya: There is literally science that proves that that is a thing.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Spending time amongst younger people, having younger friends—it's all about mentality, perception, environment. Absolutely.
Neff: Right. So that, to me—I think I did say this to you—I think it would be very fascinating to take a group of people, put them in an environment where they don't really have clocks. They don't have—you tell them specifically, “We're not going to—you know, you're not going to use calendars. You're not going to use things like that.”
Ashlieya: You navigate, again, in this cyclical way, right? There are seasons. There is a circadian rhythm.
Neff: Right.
Ashlieya: So, there is this idea of, like, you are aligning your body and your way of life to still match the earth, the nature, the whole astrology of everything. There's this whole connection: above, so is below. You're still a part of this divine, organic kind of a way of navigating. You don't have the society-structured routines, regimens, schedules, anticipation—again, aging. You don't have that same—that's what you're talking about.
Neff: Yeah. If you could create this environment where you don't have necessarily this expectation of you knowing a starting and an ending, do you know what I mean?
Ashlieya: Yes.
Neff: And that there's this passing of time to create whatever environment you're in, then you would probably get into this status where age stops being as important.
Ashlieya: I mean, I would just be curious to see what happens. That would be the study.
Neff: You wouldn't necessarily be like…
Ashlieya: How quickly a woman would go into a menopausal state versus maintain her fertility.
Neff: Yeah. Like, all of that stuff.
Ashlieya: Same thing with a man. I would be curious to see what—because men's—the value, the health of their sperm depreciates a lot more than what we had originally understood it to. And so, his peak fertility, for optimal thriving as a producer of an heir, or however you'd like to say it.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: I would be curious to see how that gets affected. I would be very curious about collagen and skin elasticity.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: I would be curious about gray hair. I would be curious about all of that.
Neff: And you did say it, there is no way to actually stop things from changing, right?
Ashlieya: No, that's what I'm saying.
Neff: No, there's no way to stop things from changing. But again, what rate? So life expectancy—maybe the life expectancy increases, right?
Ashlieya: Who knows?
Neff: There are people who go, “Oh, my family...” You were kind of one of these at first, because you were connecting your family genes to an unhealthy family, right? So, it's like, at a certain age, my family tends to die. You know what I mean?
Ashlieya: Yeah. So, at seventy-five, you go, “Oh, this might happen to me.” And it's like, again, you're putting this time on it, right? You're putting this year, this age, and it's like, well, yeah, but if you didn't have a way of measuring that—
Neff: If you didn't really have somebody going, “Oh, seventy-five…”
Ashlieya: …is old. Or not old. Yeah, exactly.
Neff: Yeah, exactly.
Ashlieya: No, totally.
Neff: Then your perspective of you getting to that age, again, if you didn't have any real understanding of that, would change.
Ashlieya: Also, too, I know this isn't entirely your point, but just branching off of that: if we don't create environments where we're no longer bound by this schedule of calendars and this whole idea of measuring time passed, you can always find examples, due to having such a vastly populated earth right now. You know, speaking to wanting to seek a relatability to something that's more in alignment to that which you would like to perpetuate as far as a belief for yourself.
There were examples of relatives, certainly, that passed away before sixty.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: It was quite common in multiple generations. But then, also, I have Irish DNA. There's no arguing that. I do have some Irish in my blood, for sure.
Neff: Yeah. Yeah.
Ashlieya: That's been proven. And there is an Irish woman that's 107, right?
Neff: Right!
Ashlieya: 107. And I'm like, no, she may not be my kin directly. I mean, I guess I don't know. Who knows? But she's of Irish lineage. I'm of Irish lineage. If she can live to be 107, so can I.
Neff: Of course you can. Yeah.
Ashlieya: So, you can always seek—you can always find examples of things that you can find relatable to yourself as a means of—if longevity is something that's really important to you.
I personally don't have a fear of death. I don't have this expectation—
Neff: Neither do I.
Ashlieya: I don't really have a very healthfully detached expectation of that. I don't really mind. But there are people who are continuously in pursuit of this assurance of longevity.
And so, if you're wanting to maintain that for yourself, you can always find people that you can see as examples for how to live a long and full life. It's all about expanding in a way where you have, again, furthering degrees of relatability.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: I hope that that makes sense.
Neff: No, absolutely. And it just brings to thought the reality that—and this is something we always talk about and that we just today talked about a lot—and that is, if you're anticipating something stressful, which for most people death is stressful—not everybody—but if you're anticipating something, disease, anything like that, you're kind of pulling that to you. And that's—we kind of had that discussion—and it does chemically affect you in an unhealthy way.
Ashlieya: I mean, we know that. It's been proven. Again, it's all about that which you know, right? It's all about what you know. What you believe is what comes to fruition for you.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: So, we know—and there are countless examples of this—people who are told of a potential symptom or side effect.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: The potential for them developing those symptoms or side effects increases exponentially.
Neff: It's like that placebo effect.
Ashlieya: It is.
Neff: But they're reading it: “Oh, this might cause a scratchy throat,” you know, whatever, and then, of course, they have the symptom.
Ashlieya: So, the phrase “ignorance is bliss.”
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Right? There's truth to that from a lot of different angles, depending on how you look at it. But that's one of them. If you don't know that something potentially harmful can happen to you, there is now evidence that supports it is less likely—
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: —to happen to you.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: So, energy and emitting frequency, right? I talk and write a lot about navigating from coherence, navigating from aligned energetic states of being, having an embodied sense of clarity, where you're not navigating from a fear-based place. You're not using an avoidant navigation system or a fear-based navigation system that tends to perpetuate more of, typically, that which you're afraid of, which is what you're speaking about.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: It's this whole self-fulfilled prophecy kind of an idea.
Neff: Totally, totally.
Ashlieya: That which you focus on is where you put your energy. So, typically, yeah, if you're focusing more on this healthy, fulfilled, “I have all that I need,” whole-self wellness perspective, that's predominantly going to be your reality.
Neff: Yeah. And that includes time.
Ashlieya: Yeah. “I have plenty of time.”
Neff: “I have plenty of time.” If you say that all the time: “I have plenty of time. I have power over time. I am time. I have plenty of time.”
Ashlieya: Yes. I can speed up and slow down time, which is very true. And as you were saying earlier, there's an aspect to presence and an aspect to flow.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Where our brains, pertaining to our perceptions—how we perceive the passing of time—can very well slow down.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: As well as speed up. So, there are ways where, just with the power of presence and understanding flow and how to embody flow as a state of being, you can make moments feel rather extended. And when you're also standing in queue for something, you're in a state where you're waiting for something to happen. There are things you can do that make time pass seemingly more quickly.
Neff: Yeah. The meditation that we did—and I know that it was the early-morning meditation that we did with Joe Dispenza—that was one that, very interestingly, was a five-hour meditation.
Ashlieya: Yeah, I fell asleep.
Neff: I know, and I understand that, but—
Ashlieya: It's one of the few times I fell asleep during meditation.
Neff: And it was because it was super early.
Ashlieya: 4 a.m.
Neff: And that was probably unnecessary. But I will say, one of the aspects of that meditation that I thought was extremely profound is that, when the meditation ended—and I did stay awake the whole time, which is amazing because that usually doesn't happen—when it ended and I found out what time it was, I was like, “You have got to be kidding.”
I thought it was—I thought, again, I knew it was a long meditation. He intentionally did not tell us how long the meditation was going to be. And I knew it was a long meditation, but a long meditation at that time for me would have been two hours. It ended up being a five-hour meditation, and I thought it was probably around two to three.
Ashlieya: I, you, the world… You can live days in a forty-minute meditation.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: You can live days.
Neff: But I just think that idea of—
Ashlieya: Yeah, there's—
Neff: Time is not—I mean, if you do carry the belief that, number one, we are time; that we have control; and that time is happening—all time is happening at the same time—
Ashlieya: Yeah. Everything that has ever happened is happening right now.
Neff: Exactly. If you believe all of those things, then it really does seem like the possibilities are endless. Do you know what I mean?
Ashlieya: Yes. And they are. We talked about the pyramids. There's a theory that the pyramids were actually built in the future.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And I personally understand that and how that works as a theory. I completely understand that. And when you start to investigate those things for yourself, again, all it does is awaken this sense of potential.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And this belief for yourself. And that's where it has value. It doesn't matter about conspiracies or needing to attribute a sense of how and why to all these things. It's not about that. It's about the expansiveness in your own self-discovery, because your whole perception of the world really only has to do with you.
And there's a really great power that comes with that, because the only thing you can change is you.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: So, you can change the world because you can change yourself, and that's the whole point.
Neff: That's your perspective.
Ashlieya: That's Builders of a Better World. That's the whole point in who we are and what we do. We are builders. We are builders of the world. We are builders of ourselves. We are creators.
Neff: We are creators.
Ashlieya: Yeah, exactly. So, this conversation and understanding time is about that.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: It’s understanding how to take—it’s just inviting the idea to take control over something that can be perceived as this external governing thing.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Right? This construct, because that’s really what it is.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: And allow yourself to redefine what that is and how—and what that means to you.
Neff: Change your entire paradigm about what time is.
Ashlieya: If you want to. I mean, all it is is an invitation.
Neff: Oh yeah, totally. Totally.
Ashlieya: I love the idea of aging backwards, and I think it’s entirely possible. I love the idea of activating the dormant DNA that we have in our bodies. I love the idea of continuing to push the limits and the boundaries that make us human, just in the name of being as superhuman as possible.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Being able to—
Neff: Why not?
Ashlieya: Why not, right? Yes!
Neff: Why not?
Ashlieya: It’s just meant to be some kindling for your inspiration.
Neff: Yeah. Belief. Believe in magic and miracles. Come on.
Ashlieya: Believe in magic and miracles, because that’s what makes it real.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: That’s what makes it real. Like, believe in it. It’s all the fairy tales and stories. It’s all the Neverland.
Neff: And we’re not the only ones talking about it. That’s the great thing, in my opinion, right?
Ashlieya: No, I mean, that’s the brilliant thing. Loads of people are talking about it, and you just have to want to find more of them.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And they’re out there. And it’s very important to me because it’s part of how I feel called to move through the world. It’s what keeps my coherent state: not navigating from a place of extremes. My viewpoints are rarely, rarely on either side of an extreme perspective. That’s just the way I am.
And you, of course, will find, as you investigate different parts of this, that there are very extreme views.
Neff: Of course. Of course.
Ashlieya: And why am I saying this? Every perspective does have value, and every perspective does contribute value. Even if it doesn’t align with you, or doesn’t resonate with you, or it’s something that you don’t agree with, there is value in that as well.
However, seek to appreciate, and you’ll never be disappointed.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Appreciation is an active choice. It’s not a passive thing. You have to purposefully choose to engage with that whole way of viewing things. Then you’re only gaining when that is your perspective.
Neff: Well, and to tie some other things that we’ve said, our perception is our reality, right? So, if I’m listening to something or watching something and I go into it going, “Well, I’m going to choose to perceive something of value—”
Ashlieya: So, let’s speak more specifically, because we tend to speak so generally.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: So, be specific.
Neff: Well, for instance—
Ashlieya: Share you, Neff. Divulge.
Neff: Let’s say listening to this specific book. Actually, I’m going to say a different book. So, The War of Art.
Ashlieya: Okay.
Neff: Okay. This is another book that I’m listening to. It’s very interesting because the way he presents his ideas is not necessarily exactly my approach to ideas or concepts, right?
Ashlieya: Why not?
Neff: He did it very intentionally, because it is The War of Art. So, he kind of goes through his day, or goes through him being a writer, as if he’s attacking things. Do you know what I mean? He’s like, “Oh, this is the war of art.” So, he’s themed his book.
Ashlieya: So, there’s aggressive tendency.
Neff: A very aggressive tendency. It’s very like, “I’m going to do this, and at this time I’m going to be”—
Ashlieya: And you don’t resonate with that, is what you’re saying.
Neff: It doesn’t resonate so much to me to be that scheduled and to be that, “At nine o’clock in the morning, I’m going to do this, and then at ten o’clock I’m going to do this.”
Ashlieya: There’s a rigidity to that.
Neff: It’s very rigid, right? And so, that doesn’t necessarily—
Ashlieya: So, the rigidity doesn’t resonate with Neff. The aggressiveness might?
Neff: No, what it is—only in some situations—but no. The thing that resonates to me is not making excuses.
Ashlieya: So, right. You’re saying you were actively looking—despite there being aspects to the way this was presented and an approach to a lifestyle or a schedule that didn’t resonate with you—you stuck it out enough to purposefully seek to find something that did have value or resonate.
Neff: Oh, every time I listen to it—I’m still listening to it, right?—I go, “What is this for me?”
Ashlieya: Right.
Neff: “What is this for me?”
Ashlieya: Beautiful.
Neff: Because, again, that’s it, right?
Ashlieya: That’s so good.
Neff: What is this for me? It doesn’t matter that this isn’t necessarily for me, and this isn’t necessarily for me, but what is for me? Why is this for me? In what way is this for me?
And so, what I found was, as he’s talking about these different things that he would go through, the main theme that I pulled from what he was saying was not to make excuses, right? Because the stuff that he was working on and doing, he needed to have a regimented time so that he wouldn’t procrastinate or not do it. Does that make sense?
Ashlieya: Used time as a tool, just sticking with the—
Neff: Yeah, exactly. He was like, “Time. Nine o’clock. Have to do this,” right?
Ashlieya: I think a lot of people relate to that idea of a routine and scheduling and using time as a purposeful tool in that way—to say, “I’m going to execute X, Y, Z for this duration,” whether they set a timer and say, “I’m going to work for a half hour, two hours, do this thing,” set a timer.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: People have lives, weirdos, that—like, they have to work a nine to five, right? You talk about that a lot, where I’m like, blech. Can’t do that. I’m allergic to it. I’m literally like, I have an aversion.
Neff: So, they have things that they want to accomplish outside of that work. So, they need to schedule it. They need to go, “This is the time I’m going to do it,” right?
Ashlieya: Anyway, so go ahead. You found—you sought something. “Seek to appreciate; you’ll never be disappointed.” So, you found something for yourself. You had this intention of, what of this substance is going to glean this insight or value or education for something?
Neff: So, to tie it into what we’re saying about time as well, in a sense, instead of going, “Well, at nine o’clock I need to do this, and at ten o’clock I need to do this”—instead of doing that, I was like—I was like—I was like, totally. I mean, instead of doing that, I decided that, for instance, the other night I got home at 9:30. I have a tendency to not go to bed until 12:30 in the morning.
Ashlieya: Uh-huh.
Neff: And I have been, for the last week, going, “This project at home needs to be done. This project at home needs to be done. This project at home needs to be done.” And you make the excuse of, “Well, I didn’t do it at this time,” or, “I felt like I needed more rest, so I slept in.” Right?
Ashlieya: Yeah.
Neff: “I felt like I needed rest, so I slept in.” Well, right now at 9:30 or 10:00, I’m totally awake. I’m not tired. I don’t need to go to sleep right now. And some would say, “Well, the day is done at ten o’clock,” right?
Ashlieya: Not for Neff.
Neff: No, not for Neff. Instead of—and this is from that book, the example of this book. Does that make sense?
From that example of this book, I thought, “You know what? Let’s not make excuses. Let’s not be—you know—this is something I do want to get done.”
And so, for the next hour, I spent doing a project that I wanted to do. Again, I know that it didn’t really have anything to do with what he was talking about, but that’s what I pulled from the book.
Ashlieya: Yeah. You found “no excuses” that resonated with you as a truth that you could then further instill in your approach to things. I love that.
Neff: So, it was something that brought quality to my existence.
Ashlieya: Yes.
Neff: And he probably didn’t even mean for that intention. When he wrote the book, he probably had no intention for that. But that’s what I drew out of it. Does that make sense?
Ashlieya: That’s what you came—that’s—
Neff: So, when I’m talking about going into any experience—and it really doesn’t matter what experience it is—with the intention of finding something for yourself—
Ashlieya: Can I take this and expand on it in a slightly different way? Because as you were speaking, it was really quite funny to me, because that approach is what I do when I don’t like people.
Neff: Oh, sure.
Ashlieya: It’s funny, but it’s true. I don’t like people very much. I love people. I love people, and I would do anything for people. I’m very happy to be of service to humanity. Very, very happy to be of service to humanity.
Neff: You love the collective people.
Ashlieya: I don’t like people very much. And I am a very true—and a lot of people dismiss this as something they can observe about me—but I am very, very, very, very introverted.
Neff: Very.
Ashlieya: Very.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Like, extremely introverted.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Extremely. So much, like, so much. But people don’t observe this about me because I have the—there’s a lot of reasons.
Neff: You have the ability, when you are in a group, to turn it on.
Ashlieya: I’m not outwardly socially awkward.
Neff: That’s right.
Ashlieya: And I do perform, and I’ve always been a performer. I really do love people, and I’m very present, and I’m told I’m very charismatic, and I have a very—
Neff: You choose to do that, though.
Ashlieya: Yes. Yes. And I have, I guess, this air to me that draws a lot of people to me, and people enjoy listening to me for whatever reason. And I find myself in a lot of different positions in leadership, and I have—right?—like, awards and accolades and all this acknowledgement from things I’ve done to be of service to my community.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Right. Yes. Okay, fine. All that to say, I really don’t like people very much.
So, you’re talking about, “What can I find in this subject, in this book, that is for me?” I am constantly looking at people like, “What do I like about this person?” I’m constantly seeking to appreciate them, and it works.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: It totally works. It’s so much easier to dislike them than to like them, until you purposefully choose to like them. If you seek to appreciate, you’re never disappointed. And because we are all so similar as humans—I know there are a lot of ways we can view the dissimilar traits—but we are fundamentally very, very, very similar. So, it’s easy to find things to relate to.
Neff: Well, we’re connected to each other. Yeah, absolutely.
Ashlieya: Totally. And so, when you really are trying to relate to someone and really are trying to appreciate them and trying to find, again, value in the exchange, value in the relationship, value in the moment, I really find that it’s very easy to just stay in the place of loving people.
Neff: Oh, totally.
Ashlieya: It’s really easy to just say, “I love people. I love people, and I love this exchange. I love this moment, and I’m very appreciative of this person for blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” When that is the focus and that’s what you’re trying to achieve—how can I find this an endearing person?—then you find endearing qualities about them.
Fortunately, I don’t find myself in many circles where that is exceptionally challenging.
Neff: Challenging, yeah. Thank goodness.
Ashlieya: And I mean, that’s just the nature—
Neff: We try to surround ourselves with people who are like-minded. Of course.
Ashlieya: Well, and just, you know, I live in a very nice community, and I’ve worked very hard to be able to stay in a beautiful area. I love where I live. Again, it’s just that shift, right? It’s hard to say, did the people change or did I just change?
Neff: Well, that story of the farmer who is tilling in his field, and somebody drives up and they’re like, “Hey, we’re thinking about buying a house in this area. How are the neighbors?”
And he goes, “Oh, well, how are the neighbors where you came from?”
They say, “Oh, they were so nosy.”
And he’s like, “Yep, they’re pretty much the same.”
Then another car comes up and does the same thing. They’re like, “Oh, we’re thinking about buying a house in the neighborhood. How are the neighbors?”
And he’s like, “Well, how are they where you came from?”
And they say, “Well, they were so friendly and so nice.”
He says, “Yep, they’re pretty much the same.”
Ashlieya: Yeah.
Neff: I mean, it’s the same idea.
Ashlieya: Yes. That’s an excellent story.
Neff: What I’m putting out there—
Ashlieya: Yes.
Neff: —I’m going to get back.
Ashlieya: Yes.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: I love that. That is so excellent. That is so excellent. Yes, it’s exactly that. That’s exactly right.
So, it doesn’t change the fact that my efficient use of energy is—I have an easier time conserving when I’m alone—
Neff: Oh, sure.
Ashlieya: —versus when I’m in groups and crowds. But my overall enjoyment of people and of being in groups and crowds has dramatically, positively transformed since I began doing that some time ago.
Neff: Totally.
Ashlieya: And—
Neff: Which probably makes your recovery time easier.
Ashlieya: Oh, so much so. Well, it’s a different type of recovery.
Neff: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ashlieya: It’s a different type of recovery. There’s always—for me personally, I’m not saying I’m like any other introvert on the planet. We are all so unique and different. For me, simply being around other people is depleting.
Neff: Yeah. Yeah.
Ashlieya: That’s just it. I am tired after being around another person, and I really love my alone time. I really value what my life is like when I don’t have to engage with another person.
Neff: Yeah. Right. Right.
Ashlieya: I’m very happy. But the other side of that, interestingly enough, is when you ask me why I’m so rich—because I’m a rich person. I’m a rich person in every sense of the word.
Neff: Super abundant. Super abundant.
Ashlieya: So much so. I do consider myself exceptionally wealthy in every regard, and I’ll tell you that my relationships are of the highest value to me. That’s a big part of how I would attribute the richness that I have in my life: from my relationships.
So, it’s this interesting kind of a balance between the two.
So, my whole point in saying all of that, pertaining to the question, is that my rejuvenation required after engaging in a group is so much less about the way I conducted myself. If I perceive myself with any semblance of judgment—
Neff: Or the way that they conducted themselves, I’m sure, too, right?
Ashlieya: Exactly. Well, because it always comes back to what you perceived the exchange to be.
Neff: Totally. Totally.
Ashlieya: So, I have zero reflection required in my downtime, in my decompression, of how quote-unquote exhausting my day was and the expenditure of my energy in those social environments. It’s so much less reflective of these moments of judgment.
It’s so much more reflective of, “Wow, that was fatiguing, and I’m so grateful for it. That was fun. That was thrilling. That was exciting. That was insightful. That was rewarding. I’m tired, but it was rewarding,” rather than this, “Did I say the right thing? I don’t know that I did that right. She said that...”
There’s so much less gremlin chatter and so much more, “I exerted myself. Period. I am now warranting recuperation. Period.” There’s no judgment about it at all. There’s no negative association with anything to do with it. I’m not down on myself for anything that happened. I’m not down on anybody else. I am grateful that I am the way that I am. I have no need to be different.
I don’t always thrive in environments that involve another person, and that’s okay. It’s totally an accepted and embraced part of my life. I don’t need to add this additional negative crap. Do you understand what I’m saying?
Neff: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Go ahead. You were going to respond.
Neff: No, I was saying, I would argue that it is a very present way of existing. Do you know what I mean?
Ashlieya: That’s the goal.
Neff: Right?
Ashlieya: Yeah, that’s the goal.
Neff: Like you’re saying, when you’re doing your downtime, you’re not thinking about the exhausting interactions anymore.
Ashlieya: But you can reflect on them in a way that’s very constructive, right? Like, “That was a really great thing that she said. Oh, yes, I have to remember to follow up,” and, “Oh, they recommended that book or that thing.” I do have reflection on the specifics that happened.
My point with that is, it’s a specific type of—it's next-level depletion.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And next-level energy consumption when there’s any semblance of concern or worry.
Neff: Totally.
Ashlieya: Rather than—And judgment.
Neff: Right.
Ashlieya: Rather than, like we’re saying, seeking to appreciate.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: Being entirely present. And then, again, this whole concept of time: I’m mindfully allowing myself a duration to be in spaces where I am social.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Then I’m allowing myself duration to adequately recuperate and replenish, refill my cup, so to speak. I’m allowing time for that purposefully and intentionally.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: So as to be able to—not necessarily do it again—but just to wake up the next day feeling like I have set myself—
Neff: Rejuvenated.
Ashlieya: In whatever I’m doing.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: It’s not purely for the purpose of going back out there.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Suiting up for another round of battle waves, you know, whatever.
Neff: Exactly.
Ashlieya: You know, I don’t have this—I similarly don’t have this war mentality. I have the opposite of that, actually. Ironically, because I related to the warrior archetype so fiercely growing up, because I had this survival kind of an old identity.
And now I’m so much more about loving and going with the flow and navigating from this not resistant place.
Neff: Non-resistance. Yeah, absolutely.
Ashlieya: And again, going with time is like—time can perpetuate dissonance.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And it can instill this false semblance of rigidity that doesn’t have to be there if you don’t want it to be.
Neff: Totally.
Ashlieya: If you’re using it as a tool, then that’s great, if it has sentiment to you. But, again, it’s up to us individually to assign meaning to things.
Neff: Right.
Ashlieya: And it’s going to come back to that every single time. So, when you’re wanting to be really present and you want to extend a moment, I love that. Something I’m so grateful for in life is when you have a moment and you’re like, “I just want this to stay.”
Neff: “I want to sit here.” Yeah. I want to sit here for a while.
Ashlieya: This is so perfect. And really revel in that.
Neff: Draw that out.
Ashlieya: as long as you can.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: And it’s a very special thing.
Neff: Totally.
Ashlieya: To have a collection of that in your memory bank.
Neff: I agree.
Ashlieya: And then, at the same side to that, having an appreciation for the beauty of everything being a transformative venture—always going to keep changing.
Neff: Absolutely. Yes.
Ashlieya: And there are things, so fascinatingly, that will extend beyond other things. It’s fascinating to me how some things can seem to have a more elongated longevity to them, like relationships, for example.
Neff: Oh, sure.
Ashlieya: It’s like, some, this was clearly a shorter season. This is a much longer one. This is throughout the entirety of this lifespan. This was—right? It’s fascinating to me how there can be a lot of variance to that which withstands certain duration of time.
Neff: Oh, absolutely. And putting meaning to that, like you said, assigning meaning to that is unnecessary in some ways. You know what I mean?
Ashlieya: Right. The only thing that has any meaning has the meaning you’ve assigned to it.
Neff: Yeah, exactly.
Ashlieya: So, it’s up to you. I don’t know why I’m feeling so sentimental about trees. I love trees. We know this.
Neff: Oh, we know that you love trees.
Ashlieya: Yes. I have an affinity for trees.
Neff: Trees.
Ashlieya: And I have—
Neff: You’re definitely a tree hugger, whatever that means.
Ashlieya: Trees talk to me. We have conversations. I don’t mind sounding crazy anymore. I have put myself in a position where people can think odd things about me, and it’s totally fine. I really love trees.
Trees are very special, and they have a very special role in ecosystems. We know this, obviously. They’re literally oxygen-producing. They have a very special relationship with the sun beyond just photosynthesis, although that’s a very prominent thing. There are a lot of very fascinating elements that make trees incredible.
Neff: Oh, absolutely.
Ashlieya: And I adore them. I love all plant life. I love all animals and creatures. I’m a non-spider-smoosher, right? I’m just one of those people. I don’t kill the spider.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: I don’t even want someone else to kill it for me. Right? Just to paint a picture: all sentient beings deserve love, and all organic life is organic life, and it deserves appreciation. Beyond that, I have a very special affinity for trees.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: And I always get very sentimental. There are trees that have longer lifespans than others.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: So, just again, this is where I’m going with all of this. Where are you going?
There are trees that live for much shorter durations. Their little cyclical lifespan is much shorter. But then you have ones that live for hundreds of years.
Neff: Hundreds of years.
Ashlieya: Like, hundreds of years. Like a good turtle, you know what I mean? You have these different creatures that are so old comparatively to human life. And I have this weird awe and appreciation for that. I think it’s super cool that you can have these varying types of trees, because multiple types of trees have the ability to live hundreds of years.
Neff: Amazing. Yeah.
Ashlieya: Hundreds of years. And that, to me, is just the coolest thing. So, yes. Anyway, I love trees.
Neff: No, I love trees too. I love it.
Ashlieya: Thinking about time and thinking about lifespans—it’s—
Neff: And meaning.
Ashlieya: And meaning.
Neff: Meaning of all of it, right?
Ashlieya: Seeking to appreciate.
Neff: Yeah. Seeking to appreciate, putting meaning to something. Or not putting meaning to something.
Ashlieya: Exactly.
Neff: I’m getting up in age, right? But what if I just didn’t put meaning to that? What if I didn’t put meaning to that?
Ashlieya: What if you chose to just stop?
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Like, what if you said, “I am going to take a page from Prince’s book and just not have—”
Neff: I’m not going to have birthdays anymore.
Ashlieya: Like, what if you just decide? I am a subscriber to the understanding that, if we do unlock a certain degree of genetic potential, we have the ability of activating the additional twelve strands of DNA.
Neff: Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
Ashlieya: I really believe that’s possible. I love the film—I’m so sorry to say this, but it’s so true—*Lucy*, Scarlett Johansson.
Neff: Oh, that is such a good movie.
Ashlieya: I really believe that we have the ability to do so much more when it comes to cellular rejuvenation, when it comes to healing, when it comes to all the things. There have been so many things that people have considered impossible. These physicians, doctors, scientists—I’ve literally grown bone.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: Which is said to not be possible.
Neff: Which is said to not be possible.
Ashlieya: I have grown bone. I can tell you, I have X-rays of less bone and more bone. I did it.
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: It is entirely possible.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: And I just chose to. I took several months and said, “I’m going to do this,” and I did it.
Neff: Yeah.
Ashlieya: If I can do that—
Neff: Oh, absolutely.
Ashlieya: People, what else can we do? So, I am a believer that, if you really, really, truly live life the way you want to live life, if you say, “I’m not going to age past thirty-five,” then you won’t.
Neff: You’re a believer.
Ashlieya: I am a creator. I am a believer.
Neff: Creator and a believer. Amazing. A builder of a better world.
Ashlieya: And a builder of a better world, because I have the ability to build the best me. And building the best me is what builds the best world.
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: So, I have the ability to build the best world. Do you?
Neff: What does your best world look like?
Ashlieya: Do you want to do that with us? How do you want to use time?
Neff: Yeah, time.
Ashlieya: How do you feel about time? What is your perception?
Neff: Do you want to stop having birthdays like me?
Ashlieya: Yeah. Are you going to not age?
Neff: Right?
Ashlieya: You want to age backwards?
Neff: Let’s do it.
Ashlieya: I kind of want to go back to, like, twenty-six. Actually, to be honest, not from a state of intellect, but definitely a state of physical ability. I remember being a wickedly fierce athlete, even in my early twenties.
Neff: I believe it’s possible. Let’s do it.
Ashlieya: I’m going to go back. I’m doing it. We are doing it. I’m so doing it. There are some
wicked cool things in the realm of mixed martial arts—
Neff: Yes.
Ashlieya: —that I am determined to master.
Neff: You have already started mastering.
Ashlieya: I was never a gymnast growing up. I did a lot of basic tumbling and things, but I’ve always had this inherent degree of athleticism that’s always been super cool.
Neff: Totally.
Ashlieya: And I can say that because we can celebrate ourselves, because we should be able to do that.
Neff: And there is proof of this, so it’s not like you’re delusional.
Ashlieya: Yeah. My body and I, we came into this world really appreciating one another. I think everyone should develop that for themselves if they don’t have it.
Neff: I agree. I’m working on it.
Ashlieya: It’s really cool. I love my body. I love my body so much, and I’ve been able to do some really cool stuff with my body.
And you’re being told, “Oh, you’re of a certain age, so it’s going to be harder. Oh, there’s this limitation, limitation, limitation.” I’m like, “Well, just because it wasn’t possible for you based on your perception doesn’t mean it’s not going to be possible for me.”
Neff: Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Because I don’t enjoy limits. I enjoy pushing limits safely, with the intention of continuing to love myself and stay safe, right? We’re not negligent. I care about others and I care about myself, and I want to see what I can do.
So, all that to say, I have some pretty intense ambitions for what I hope to be able to physically endure as well as produce, and I’m super excited to see what the possibilities are, despite the fact that there are people telling me that because I’m a certain age—
Neff: Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Ashlieya: However, yeah, if I could go back—
Neff: Yes. Yes.
Ashlieya: I would really love to have the body of my nineteen-, twenty-year-old self. Abso-freaking-lutely. The things I could do at sixteen, fifteen, seventeen. I mean, yeah, from twelve to twenty-four.
Neff: We’ll vision it. We’ll envision it, man. We’re going to make it happen.
Ashlieya: So sick. Yeah. So, I’m going to go back to that. I am going to age backwards.
Neff: Totally.
Ashlieya: Yes. So, time.
Neff: Time.
Ashlieya: What are you going to do with it?
Neff: Right.
Ashlieya: Like, comment, subscribe. We are here to build a better world. Reach out to us. Send us an email. Anything you think or feel, be it low-vibrating or high-vibrating, I don’t mind, because I navigate my life unbothered.
Neff: That’s right.
Ashlieya: If you would like to learn how to navigate your life unbothered, I have a blueprint for you. I have a course. I have offerings. I have the how-to, so…
Neff: Workbook. It’s amazing.
Ashlieya: There’s the super-hardcore, very involved version, and then there’s a baby version—an intro version, a slice, a slice version—that you may have a sampling of.
So, yeah.
Neff: All for our good. Absolutely.
Ashlieya: Thriving in our humanness.
Neff: Beautiful.
Ashlieya: Be the change. Until next time.
Neff: Love it.
Thank you for joining us here at the Builders of a Better World podcast. Please share, subscribe, comment, and be sure to pass this episode along for anyone who may need it. See you next time.
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