Episode 9 - Finding Your True Self: Human Design, Shadow Work, & Authenticity with Sophie

New Episode: Finding Your True Self: Human Design, Shadow Work, & Authenticity

If you’ve ever questioned who you really are—or felt like you don’t quite fit into a single definition—this episode is going to hit home.

In Finding Your True Self: Human Design, Shadow Work, & Authenticity, Ashlieya sits down with human design guide and authenticity advocate Sophie for a deeply honest, eye-opening conversation about identity, self-awareness, and what it actually means to live as your “true self.”

This isn’t surface-level self-help. It’s a raw exploration of the patterns, conditioning, and subconscious forces that shape how we show up in the world—and how to break free from them.

What if you don’t have a “fixed” identity?

One of the most powerful moments in this episode comes when Ashlieya shares a past struggle that many people secretly experience: feeling like she didn’t have a clear sense of self.

Through the lens of human design, Sophie explains how having an “open identity center” can make someone deeply adaptable—almost like a chameleon in different environments. What once felt like a flaw or inauthenticity is reframed as a unique strength: the ability to understand multiple perspectives, connect deeply with others, and move fluidly through life.

If you’ve ever been labeled “inconsistent,” “too adaptable,” or “uncertain,” this conversation may completely shift how you see yourself.

Human design: more than a personality test

Sophie breaks down human design in a way that’s both grounded and expansive. Rather than boxing you in, it offers a map—a blend of ancient systems and modern science—that helps you understand:

• How your energy naturally operates
  

• Why you respond differently in different environments
  

• Where your strengths and sensitivities lie
  

• How to make aligned decisions in your life
  

It’s not about defining you. It’s about helping you understand yourself on a deeper, more embodied level.

Shadow work: the hidden driver of your life

The conversation then dives into shadow work—the parts of yourself you don’t consciously see, but that quietly shape your behaviors, reactions, and patterns.

As Sophie explains, there are things you know, things you know you don’t know… and then there are things you don’t know that you don’t know. That’s the shadow.

These hidden patterns often come from childhood conditioning and survival mechanisms. They can show up as:

• Repeating unhealthy relationship patterns
  

• Self-sabotage or lack of follow-through
  

• Emotional triggers that feel out of proportion
  

• A persistent sense of being “stuck”
  

The key? Awareness, allowance, and learning to face those parts without judgment.

Authenticity isn’t perfection—it’s allowance

One of the most refreshing takeaways from this episode is that authenticity isn’t about becoming a flawless, fully “healed” version of yourself.

It’s about allowing all parts of you to exist—the light and the shadow.

Ashlieya shares how her own journey required both transformation and acceptance: choosing to change what didn’t serve her, while also embracing the parts of herself that simply make her human.

This balance—between growth and self-acceptance—is where true freedom lives.

Why this episode matters

At its core, this conversation is about reclaiming your power.

It challenges the idea that something is “wrong” with you and instead offers a new perspective: what if your differences are exactly where your strength lies?

Whether you’re new to human design, deep into personal growth, or simply curious about understanding yourself on a deeper level, this episode offers insights that are both practical and transformative.

🎧 Tune in to Finding Your True Self: Human Design, Shadow Work, & Authenticity and explore what it really means to live in alignment with who you are.

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Transcript:

Welcome to Builders of a Better World Podcast, a space for depth, clarity, and honest conversation, where presence matters more than performance. Let’s begin.

Ashlieya: Hiya, welcome back to Builders of a Better World. My name is Ashlieya. I have a really exciting guest with us today. Builders of a Better World: a collective, mutual mission to better the world, just like it sounds. Thank you so much for being here. 

I have one of my dearest friends, somebody that I have grown really, really close to in a very short amount of time, actually. But she has a very special insight and expertise that, in my opinion, is very much in alignment with owning oneself—getting very comfortable with that authentic version of you, knowing how to optimally function, use your body, your physiology, all the things to help you live the highest version of yourself, which is our way of building a better world. To start the show, we're gonna do our vow of authenticity.

Yeah, yeah. So my definition of authenticity, right? Being in alignment, living my truth with regards to what I need to do and be in order to be the highest version of myself, and being unwavering in that conviction and that purpose. That's my definition of authenticity. So my vow would be to only share and speak in alignment with that which is the highest version of myself. So, Sophie, what's your definition of authenticity and how can you make your own authentic vow today?

Sophie: Oh, my goodness. A vow of authenticity feels just so in alignment with me, because I'm not sure if you know this, but part of my personal human design is about protecting authenticity. So that's literally why I'm here. So, I feel like my life is a vow of authenticity. So, and not just authenticity for myself, but a vow of protecting authenticity for everyone.

Ashlieya: That's beautiful.

Sophie: Yeah, I really feel that and I know that you said that I'm very visual and I love that you pointed that out.

Ashlieya: Yes.

Sophie: And it's so true because when I visualize my incarnation cross—which is your purpose in human design—

Ashlieya: Yeah.

Sophie: —that I'm protecting authenticity, I literally see myself as this soldier, bearing arms, protecting everyone to allow them to be exactly how they want, in however that looks.

Ashlieya: Yeah. 

Sophie: And exactly what we said before, with no judgment and just witnessing. I love witnessing. Like, I'm fascinated with people, so I'm always gonna be witnessing.

Ashlieya: Me, too. 

Sophie: But it comes from like no judgment and actually, pure fascination and amazement in how beautiful it is to be authentic and so different and just so…

Ashlieya: …liberating.

Sophie: It's so liberating. 

Ashlieya: Yeah.

Sophie: And that's exactly what authenticity means to me.

Ashlieya: It’s freedom. 

Sophie: It's freedom. That's 100% what it means because obviously, you know, I work with human design, but I also combine it with shadow work because it's so perfectly… well, you can see the shadow in the human design chart. So it's perfectly combined. But I see shadow work as being the path to authenticity.

Ashlieya: I love this. So, you take the vow. Great, 'cause I have all the questions, and now we need a segue in 'cause you brought up human design. So we need to understand what that is, firstly, and then talking more specifically about shadow work. Shadow work for me, totally, exactly everything you've been saying. It's what helped me get the most definitive understanding of where I need to be and how I need to get there. Very important.

So, backing up, human design. I didn't know about human design until I met you. 

Sophie: Did you not?

Ashlieya: Like, I'd heard about it, but I didn't know my human design. I was not associated with my chart, right? So other people, throughout the duration of my life, have approached me with this and said, "Oh yeah, human design." And as we've talked about before, it was the same thing as astrology to me.

Sophie: I remember you saying that.

Ashlieya: Well, I was going, "Oh, yeah, no, I don't really... I am who I am and nothing is going to define it for me," and I didn't buy into it. And then I had a 6-hour long conversation with you in my car—whom I refer to as Red Dragon. We had a six-hour long conversation in Red Dragon, and a lot of it was about human design and my chart. And I was like, "Oh, my God, how do you know me?" Because so many things are defined in your human design. So what is human design? Go on, take your time, ramble, go for it.

Sophie: You know, that's always the hardest question for me to answer because I can very easily take someone's chart and talk for 10 hours about someone’s chart. I find it fascinating, I love it, I can go super deep. But to actually pin down what it is, it's just so huge that it's really difficult to say. It also means different things for different people, to be honest, because it's so huge that you get what you need from it. But let's just say that it's an esoteric personality test, combining—and the reason why I love it so much is 'cause it really combines the right brain and the left brain, the logical and the intuitive. That's what really got me because actually, naturally, I'm very logical. I grew up really not believing in anything esoteric, but naturally I am very logical, so human design was a great gateway for me to come into this kind of esoteric world.

So it really combines science and the esoteric. So let's just say that it combines ancient teachings, such as the Kabbalah, the I Ching, which is the oldest book in existence in China—

Ashlieya: I love the I Ching. It's in my office, literally right on the other side of this wall. Yep. Go on.

Sophie: Yeah, and then it also combines the Hindu chakra system—the 7 chakras, but in human design we have nine, "energy centers" we call them. And then the last one is astrology.

What's really beautiful about human design is that when you get an astrology reading—and I'm a big believer in astrology, really love it, it's magical—but human design takes it to the next level. I'm not sure if we ever spoke about this before, but when you get an astrology reading, you're only getting half of a reading from a human design perspective.

Ashlieya: Interesting.

Sophie: Because, you know how when you have your chart, you've got two lines of numbers? One is black, one is red. When you get an astrology reading, you're only reading the black.

Ashlieya: Okay. 

Sophie: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: Interesting.

Sophie: Yeah. And so that's why human design is just a layer deeper. And obviously, it also embodies it, because astrology, in some ways, is about predicting the future, it's about telling you where you came from, what lessons you need to learn—it's also a huge topic. But human design really brings it into the body, and that's why I love it because actually I'm a Taurus Moon and a Capricorn Rising. So I'm very earthy, and I really love bringing all this heady energy down; it is so important for me.

So bringing it down into physical form is everything. Because you can actually look at health, you can look at astrology, too. It also combines the esoteric, like I said, the ancient teachings, with science—so biochemistry, quantum physics, genealogy. You can literally map human evolution with human design.

Ashlieya: I love that.

Sophie: So, a lot of people come to human design—and no judgment, you come and get what you need from everything, right?—but a lot of people come at it as just a personality test: "Who am I? What's my purpose?" But really, it's so much bigger than that. Because there's so much data, you can look back and you can see how the Neanderthals were built, and where they were, how they were, and they were most likely all reflectors.

Ashlieya: Interesting.

Sophie: They didn't have any generator energy. Reflectors are run by the moon, right? They're lunar beings. They were very connected to the moon and obviously they had to be run by their instincts and be very connected to the environment. So that’s how that all played out. But you can really see what phase we're in in the evolution of human existence by human design. 

Ashlieya: So you can see the future of what humans will essentially be. 

Sophie: Yes.

Ashlieya: That's so interesting.

Sophie: Yes, it is. It's so huge.

Ashlieya: Oh my gosh. So, I want to talk a little more specifically pertaining to a piece of the conversation that you and I had those couple of years ago. It was really profound for me, and it's what kind of hooked me into being a believer of human design and how I've been able to use the information to have my own journey, my own evolution, and transformation that I've undergone in the last couple of years.

There was a really interesting component of that for me, which had to do with when you and I had talked about it. I had a moment of really significant struggle emotionally, years ago, pertaining to essentially feeling like I didn't have a personality. I felt as though I didn't have my own defined way of moving through the world, and that created this kind of an existential crisis. I was suicidal, to be frank, for a duration, because I didn't feel as though I had a sense of self. I didn't have a definitive connection to who I was or why I was doing what I was doing, and I felt really, really lost.

I described this to you, and it was so funny because you're like, "Oh, yeah, well, it's because there's this and this. It's like you have an open G center, you have an undefined ego, you have a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." I'm like, "What does this mean?"

Sophie: “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…”

Ashlieya: I know, I can't even. Yeah, because it was, in some way, a whole new language. It was completely uncharted territory for me with regards to how to, in any way, associate value to something. If you want to talk a little bit more specifically about that—because you can talk about the "blah, blah, blah" in specific terms—describe that for me: my chart, and how it is in some way able to elucidate why I have a very malleable means of formulating opinions. I almost don't even have opinions about things. So go on.

Sophie: Well, first of all, I want to say that I'm truly passionate about speaking about the blah, blah, blah. That is my passion in life. The blah, blah, blah is my thing. You're so right, my friends that also are human design readers and coaches and such, when we're together in a restaurant or a cafe, we have our own language, like you said. It's so cool because we're like, "That's your gate 56 that I can see. I'm seeing your gate 30 with that." The server is like, "What the hell are they talking about?" It's so great.

But yes, to talk about what you said about the identity, it's really about your G center. You only have three centers defined. I’m not sure if we should talk about what that means first, before we talk about…

Ashlieya: We can talk about centers being open versus not defined. Yeah.

Sophie: So, we have nine energy centers in human design. The ones that are defined—if you look up your chart, the ones that are defined—that's your consistent energy, and that's how you would define who you are. "This is who I am, this is who I show up as most of the time, this is who I know myself to be." But then where you're open, where it's white, is really where you are very sensitive, and you're open to the environment. Obviously, then, that creates situations where you're different in different environments because you're amplifying the environment in those places, right? Everybody is completely unique, has a completely different chart, and is open in different areas. And so you’re very sensitive there.

The thing about your chart is, obviously, you're open in six centers out of nine. And actually, if we went a layer deeper, consciously—what you have conscious access to, because half of your chart is conscious and half is unconscious, and that is a layer deeper that maybe we’ll get to—consciously, you have no definition. I’m not sure we got into that in the car, but you don't have any conscious access to any of your definition.

Ashlieya: Right.

Sophie: I find that a lot, it’s funny. I’ve met about five people with this already, and a lot of the time they're Pisces, which is really funny. But you’re an Aries, right? I wonder if you have something with Neptune… I don’t think there’s a connection there, but it just seems to always happen that way. But it just means that it's a difficult struggle to really know yourself. Even the areas of definition of who you are, it comes out of you without you thinking your way there; it just is expressed. It's like also how we do shadow work, right? We look to the past, we reflect, and we look at the repeating patterns in our lives.

So for you, the way that you know yourself, this definition, without me telling you, would be like, "Okay, yeah, I guess I am like that because this happened in my life and I was like this X, Y, Z times," you know? In your chart, there's a part where you're a very motivated person in the way that you want to succeed in life, to have a purpose, right? And you are a very good manager in that aspect. Now that you've had evidence of being that person, you can reflect on the, "Yes, I am that person." But if I told you maybe 15 years ago, you might be like, "I'm not sure if I am that person," because you don't have conscious access to it.

Ashlieya: I see.

Sophie: Right. So, that's one layer, really important. But also you have an open G center—which I do too, by the way—and it makes you extremely sensitive to the environment. It's all about the environment. You are reflecting the environment; you are reflecting people's identities. And so that's why you can get really lost in "Who am I?" Because when you're with me, you're a certain person, and then when you're with this person, you're a certain person. It really just depends on how you look at it and how you feel about it, because it can really be expressed in a beautiful way, as you know now, that you get to experience all these different identities and become extremely wise about what identity means and how that's expressed to people.

Ashlieya: Cut to me literally writing a book, just saying. 

Sophie: Right, yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly. And the authenticity from the open ego. But when you don't understand that part and you have judgment over it, it's really painful. People with an open G center usually look at defined G centers and become very resentful and jealous of them, wishing that we had that, because they have this almost... it feels like groundedness in who they are and strength. Like, "I am this person all the time," and this assuredness of who they are.

Ashlieya: Yeah.

Sophie: We always attract what we need to see or lessons in life, so I was always attracting defined G centers. That's actually how it works with human design; you usually attract the opposite to you, which is how the genetic imperative comes into human design. It's so fascinating, you know, because obviously the genetic imperative is to have a gene pool that's healthy, so we need to be different. That's why it's against the law to marry your brother and all this stuff. It's the same with human design. We attract the opposite to us to keep the gene pool healthy. 

Ashlieya: Yeah, to keep it strong. 

Sophie: You can literally map it out. You can see it in someone's human design.

Ashlieya: So interesting.

Sophie: Yeah. So you're non-emotional, and a lot of the time non-emotionals attract emotionals. It also really depends on how much judgment you have over that center, and then you'll likely attract that because that's your lesson, what you're here to learn.

With the defined G center, we usually come from a place where we look at these people and we're like, "I want to be like that. I want to be so sure about myself, know who I am, know my path, know my direction, feel loved, and feel like I love myself because I know myself," right? Because how can you love yourself if you don't know yourself?

Ashlieya: Right, right. 

Sophie: So that's where the tricky point comes in. 

Ashlieya: And getting comfortable answering other people's questions when they say, "Well, why don't you have an opinion about this? Why don't you have a perspective? Oh, I saw you were this person and you were emulating this type of an energy, and now you're this and it's completely different. What is that?"

I was in social groups where there was a lot of criticism over my ability to kind of chameleon myself into different social situations. I could put on these varying personas that I just felt were most appropriate—subconsciously, of course, I would just do this organically—where I would just all of a sudden meld into this type of way of moving, way of speaking, you know, all the things. Even when it comes to my accent, for example. Hardcore, I can sound so American and then completely English, and then I go to Ireland and it's like, yeah.

Nonetheless, people were noticing that. And I, in some way, was being accused of being disingenuous. And then I went, "Wait, am I disingenuous? Like, am I an inauthentic person?" because I don't have this strong semblance of identity. When really, that was a bunch of bullshit and I'm extremely fucking authentic. Now I have my way of defining my identity, but it took a journey to get there. Having that conversation with you was a really important part of that, being able to understand myself on this much deeper level and being able to use it as an advantage. It wasn't just informing me of the way I am; it really just gave me this sort of an insight to then further decide who I am, which is extremely powerful.

So I'm very, very grateful for that, completely. Now I'm a huge advocate for anyone to do a reading and have a good understanding of human design and what their human design is. So I'm a good advertisement for you and for your work and for your services. Yes, of course, for cooks. 

Sophie: The check’s in the post. 

Ashlieya: Yes, exactly. Check the comments below.

Okay, great. So, I want to talk a bit more about shadow work now, if you don't mind.

Sophie: I had a lot to say to what you just said.

Ashlieya: Oh, go for it, respond to that. Go.

Sophie: Well, I’m not sure, I think I might actually forget now.

Ashlieya: You think you might.

It’s a tool, human design. It can be a tool. I had spoken about how I received your insight and I made decisions.

Sophie: That was it. And I absolutely loved so much when we had this conversation, because there are so many people that, you know, you give readings to. And really, I’m not attached to a reading that I give someone, because what they do with that information is totally up to them, but it obviously feels really good and makes me happy to see when someone is able to work with it, and make improvements, and feel better from that. That feels really good. And it’s so true, because it’s actually called a human design experiment. And that’s why it’s so important that it’s not a personality test. It’s an experiment. And actually, the founder of human design, he’s called Ra Uru Hu, he’s Canadian, he talked about how he didn’t believe it himself at first. And so for years, he kept it to himself, and then he realized, this works. But even when he started talking about it and teaching it, he always said, “Don’t just believe me. Experiment with it and use it yourself, and if it works for you, great! If it doesn’t, don’t. Like, move along. It’s all good.” And I really believe that not everyone is supposed to use this tool. I really believe that it could work for everyone, but whether they need to use it in this life, that’s like another level.

Ashlieya: Totally.

Sophie: That’s another thing. But for someone to really take an action and experiment with the human design, that’s so profound, because it’s like you said: you have so many insights and it really helps you to change your life in so many ways. Because we live in a world where there’s so much choice and there’s so much noise about what we should do and what we shouldn’t do, and that’s why human design cuts out the noise. Like, you don’t need to listen to this nutritionist saying this, or like, this fitness person saying this. Listen to your body. And obviously a lot of people are saying, listen to your body, but human design tells you how. And that’s what is so beautiful.

Ashlieya: Yes, and human design, as you spoke about earlier, something really important to me, it’s a really good balance between spiritual as well as science. And that is something that resonates with me so completely. I like to say that science explains spiritual because for me it does in so many ways. We can have a whole conversation about that. But I just wanted to acknowledge that piece of human design because there are a lot of people that are like, oh, woo woo. And it's not. It's not. Um, so that's really important. 

Another thing, though, to speak about kind of what you just said, for me, there was an aspect in my own personal journey and discovering my sense of self and value and how I was going to assign value to who I am and how I choose to move through the world, which is all a part of what Builders of a Better World is, right, is that inward to outward process of investing in yourself, that way you can optimally contribute to what is around you, right? That's what the Builders of a Better World mission is. So, I had to go through a little bit of a journey for me where I needed some semblance of external validation from multiple different sources before it really, before I really let it kind of sit in. 

You know, I was on this really profound spiritual journey and human design came into my life at this time and that opened me up to astrology and that opened me up to this idea of psychic intuition and gifts and really honing in on a faith-based understanding of creation and, you know, all of how we are, the laws of this land, basically. And the thing that is incredibly interesting and absolutely wonderful is the fact that all of those different things validated each other. Yes. At no point did anything contradict the other. That which I was feeling during my meditations, that which I felt very open to receiving from whatever higher source I am able to be so privileged to connect to in alignment with the synchronicities of our conversation and the specific things that you said and the way you spoke about them. The specifics in my chart, and then investigating astrology and having an astrology reading, and that being affirmed in the astrology, to then, like, it led me down this really wonderful path where I felt like I was receiving all of the bits that I needed to receive to arrive to where I am now, emotionally, physically, spiritually. 

You know, once you seek this information, once you ask yourself the questions, and then you allow yourself to be open to the answers, there are so many different ways you'll receive these answers. When you're asking yourself, who am I? What is my purpose? If you start with those questions, and you just allow yourself to then further investigate and be open to the answers you'll receive answers. 

Sophie: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: In every day, every moment of your life, I believe sitting in a traffic light, you'll receive an answer if you're just open to it.

Sophie: Yeah. And do you know what's so beautiful about what you said is that it was almost a gateway for you because that's 100% what I believe it is. Because, yes, a lot of people think these things are woo woo, and that's totally fine. Like, you don't have to believe in it. It still exists whether you believe in it or not, by the way. 

Ashlieya: Yeah, exactly. 

Sophie: It doesn't need your belief in it. It doesn't… 

Ashlieya: It carries on without you. 

Sophie: It's okay. 

Ashlieya: Yep. 

Sophie: But, like, you know, you can choose or not, but what's so beautiful is that it's such… You know, I always talk about also Joe Dispenza as being a gateway because he also combines the two. 

Ashlieya: Oh, the science, right? Yes. 

Sophie: These people, like these modalities and these people that combine both, they're just so magical. And there's such a beautiful gateway for people that, like, and that's why there's just been this explosion recently. I really believe that. But human design is so beautiful because when you have a reading, without questioning how it works, because there actually is a scientific reason, but really, that is also quite difficult to fathom, to be quite honest. Even the scientific reasoning behind it, but when you have a reading, there is... Let's say, I've never met someone that has said, “That's not me.” So there's no denying that it is you, right? Because it's just so specific. There's no there's no waffle about it. There's no this, or that. It's like, it's so specific. And so, there's some part of you and not from your mind, but there's some part inside that's, like, it expands somewhat. And also, you know, your capacity in your brain like expands. Your awareness expands because you're like, okay, well, if this exists and I can't explain why it exists, then what is reality? 

Ashlieya: Right. 

Sophie: What is the reality that we're living in? And how does it really all work? I've got to question everything now because if this works and I can't explain it, then I have to question everything. 

Ashlieya: And skepticism is healthy to some extent. You know, investigate, do your research, question, be curious, like, you know, all of the things, that's very valuable. Absolutely very valuable. And I was skeptic, you know, for a long time, but I asked the questions and I wanted to be open to the messages, to the answers, to the response, whatever, be it, whatever modality or theory or, you know, trade, I guess. There's people that have all these various different ways of answering these questions for us because we ask the questions all the time. And so you just have to be open to it, if you choose to be. 

Sophie: I think that's so true what you said about being skeptical because to be honest, I think that most people, and I myself, was there, so, like, I really, I speak from experience. I was living in a place where I wasn't questioning things. I wasn't skeptical enough. 

Ashlieya: Yeah. 

Sophie: Right? 

Ashlieya: Yeah. 

Sophie: It's when you become skeptical, when you start to question things that your mind opens. It's actually a really beautiful thing. 

Ashlieya: Agreed. 

Sophie: It's a positive thing. 

Ashlieya: I totally agree. Can we get into shadow work?

Sophie: Absolutely.

Ashlieya: Okay, 'cause that's something that you have felt very called to when it comes to human design, specifically. So I would love to just open the floor to hear you, just talk about that, whatever it is that you feel called to share. Yeah. Or we can talk about me specifically or yourself specifically. 

Sophie: Oh, that's good. 

Ashlieya: What is shadow work exactly? 

Sophie: Again, it's so huge. If I was to explain thoroughly what shadow work is and how you do it, it would take me about 2 hours. I thought about doing this on my Instagram and I was like, "This is not something that you share... 

Ashlieya: …in a 90 second, two minute…” 

Sophie: No, it's not possible.

But yeah, I love to say that there are things that you know, right? Like what your name is, where you live. There's things that you don't know—you don't know 48 times 12 off the top of your head. You know that you don't know that. But there's also things that you don't know that you don't know. 

Ashlieya: There's so many things I don't know that I don't know yet. 

Sophie: Everybody has those three categories.

What you don't know that you don't know is the shadow. And unfortunately, it's running your life. So, that's where the tricky part is. It's really the subconscious mind. Obviously, you have the conscious mind—what you're very aware of, your day-to-day, your thoughts, your ideas, all those things. And then there's your subconscious mind. Obviously, a part of your subconscious mind is about what you do automatically, all your automated responses to things. The subconscious mind is a very, very valuable part, but the thing is, that subconscious mind is always trying to keep you safe. And the thing is, what kept you safe when you were a child is usually what keeps you trapped when you're an adult. 

Ashlieya: It's very primal.

Sophie: The shadow usually comes from a survival mechanism from being a child, because obviously as a child, you are totally dependent on your parents, right? To survive, they have to love you and care for you, otherwise, you die. You literally die. Because of that, you mold yourself into the person that you think that they want you to be—and that's really important to know that, that you think they want you to be, because that might not actually be the reality. We pick up on cues, subtle cues, but also it's what they say, it's all sorts of things. It's our parents, our society, but predominantly our parents. So we become this person and actually become inauthentic, right? We cut off these parts of ours that we believe are not lovable. It's so personal because there are certain parts of the world… everyone has different conditioning, has different religions, different cultures, everything. Every culture has different conditioning.

Ashlieya: It’s conditioning based on culture, and cultures are very different. But so it's essentially something that is programmed. Like it is conditioned, you’re not born with it.

Sophie: No, you're not born with it. 

Ashlieya: Yeah, definitely not. 

Sophie: It's something that's learned. 

Ashlieya: It's a mother wound, father wound, all the things that we talk to our therapists about. 

Sophie: Yeah, it's all those things. And it's all the things that we don't even know that are there.

There's so much in there. There's emotions, for example. A lot of people, especially in the UK, there's a lot of judgment about being emotional. In some cultures, they're totally fine with being emotional, but in the UK, it's very suppressed. Anger, sadness, all the emotions—there's a lot of judgment over it, so that's in the shadow. Actually, so much so that people don't even know that they're angry.

I personally speak from experience. I would have said to you 4 years ago, "I'm not an angry person. I don't get angry." 

Ashlieya: It’s just really suppressed. 

Sophie: It's just so suppressed that I never felt it. I never had conscious access to it. My body... I couldn't feel my body. So that's another part of trying to work in your body.

We deny these parts of our emotions, but then also there's really beautiful things there, like our greatest skill, and that's what we look at in human design. Usually, it's your conscious sun. Because it's the brightest light, right? It's the sun, it's your brightest light that you're here to shine. With the brightest light, you get the darker shadows. So, usually, that's where your darker shadows are. And that's like the cosmic joke, because it's like what you're here to shine the brightest and share with the world, you have so much judgment over that you can't do it.

Ashlieya: The 1st episode of this whole podcast was all about that. It was all about my fear of being seen, my fear of judgment, and a big part of my purpose in this life is to allow myself to be seen, to be that positive influence. That's just the way that it is. Not influencer, like, "Here's some makeup on Instagram," we're not talking about that. But just to model the way I choose to move through the world and to be that example for people.

Sophie: Yeah, because you're committed to growth.

Ashlieya: Yeah, I'm committed to living my highest version of myself. And that just inherently contributes goodness throughout. I mean, it's like we talked about earlier, you know, I'm a huge advocate for understanding the concept of healing by proximity. Surrounding yourself with things that bring some semblance of goodness into your world and contribute that aspect of high-vibrating energy or positivity, things that bring you to follow your bliss, right? It's the simplest of concepts. But human design helps you understand it, it can help you have a semblance of a map to kind of get there.

The shadow self, and understanding that part of things, is like understanding when you're living in a way that is in some way maladaptive to getting there. It's gravitating towards pain as opposed to towards pleasure, which is how our lizard brain is programmed, which is what you were talking about earlier—the subconscious mind being designed to keep us safe. It’s this very simplistic, unevolved way for us to just keep ourselves alive. It's just a survival mode.

But the other side of it is thriving and really living in this existence where you're optimally just living in the moment, be it good or bad. We were talking earlier about this idea that to be the fullest human, you have to experience the good and the bad. You have to allow yourself to be in those states where you are experiencing pain, suffering, hurt, jealousy, rage—all these things that might not be comfortable—but then on the other side, there's all the emotions that make it worth it, in my opinion.

Sophie: 100%.

Ashlieya: And all the feel-good stuff, and my whole existence is understanding how you can intentionally focus on all those good bits and therefore receive so much more of them. I was so relieved to know that—and that's a big part of why I'm doing this podcast—I was so relieved to know that I wasn't in some way broken for not having what I perceived at the time to be a defined personality. As we were speaking about earlier, I've come to own that part of myself, and not just own it, but I see the benefit in it.

There are so few things I really care about, in the best way possible. I care about a lot of things. The few things I care about, I care very deeply about: my family, love, standing by my convictions. I have a very profound gravitation towards justice and ensuring that things are fair. I care very much about that. But with regards to favorite color, food, or even dinner, different things like politics... I don't care about certain things. I can understand both sides. I can understand everyone's opinion. I think there's value in everyone having an opinion, and I don't have a defined way of thinking and feeling about those things. So, therefore, I don't put a lot of energy into things other than that which propels me towards my ultimate goal and purpose, which is ultimately where I feel the most fulfilled and happy.

Sophie: I think that's so beautiful because, of course, it is in your chart to be very open, to be open-minded, and to see every perspective. That's one of your greatest skills, right? But at the same time, you said something that really resonates with everybody because it's about allowance. When you come from a place of allowance, you're not resisting.

Ashlieya: Exactly. 

Sophie: Not resisting reality.

Ashlieya: Exactly. 

Sophie: And it's not that you don't work towards growth still. You've got to have a healthy balance. You're still working towards growth, but allowing what is, and working from a place of non-resistance, is so important. Especially because I also work with emotional release, and that's a big part of it: allowance. What is the emotion coming up? What do you feel, and seeing it without judgment, and just witnessing it and allowing it. Can you allow that to be there? Can you allow for this shadow that we've now pointed a very bright spotlight on, that you didn't want to see, can you allow it to be there, even in all its ugliness to you? By the way, it's not ugly to other people, necessarily. But can you allow it to be there in all its ugliness to you instead of judging it?

And that's what shadow work is. It's about looking at the parts of us that we believe are unlovable, allowing them, and loving them. So 1st step is allowing. Second step is loving and embracing them, right?

For example, for me, in my chart, there was a big part about communication. There's a big part of my chart that is about taking big subjects, such as human design or astrology, and breaking it down into a bite-size format and simplifying it. That's the high vibration, the high expression of this gift for me, let's say, right? But the low vibration is feeling so different because I'm looking at big concepts and seeing things from a different way than other people do, a very individualistic way. Sometimes I'm looking kind of into the future, let's say, so not really in alignment with what's happening in the world right now, more like in alignment with what could be happening in the future. And so the judgment over being different, seeing things differently, and having a different perspective creates that existential fear because we are pack animals and we want to fit in, right?

Ashlieya: Right.

Sophie: So there's that huge existential threat there: "Will I be loved for being different?" Because there's so much difference in my chart, as in yours, that's definitely where we can connect, for sure, in so many ways. But that's one of them. And so that fear hinders that expression in me. It literally stunts my expression. So, I wasn't sharing what I really thought. I was just, as a matter of fact, being very inauthentic. I was just expressing in the way that other people express because then I would be lovable, right? I'd fit in with them.

Ashlieya: That resonates with everyone. There's fear around so much. We're governed by fear in our day-to-day life subconsciously. That's a conversation in so many of these different types of self-improvement works, right? It all comes down usually to some type of fear that is hindering or preventing us from being that most authentic, being that highest version, being that thriving kind of an energy that is in alignment with our full truth of who we are and how we view the world, which is always going to be unique to each individual.

Sophie: Yes. 

Ashlieya: And yet, at the core, we're all the same. 

Sophie: And you're so right that it is from fear; and that is exactly why when somebody's triggered, they have such a strong reaction because it's existential for them. They don't know— it’s something that they don't know they don't know, right? They don’t know it’s existential for them. Let’s not go into the science, but it triggers a different part of the brain.

Ashlieya: Mm hmm.

Sophie: Yeah, and you're in reaction mode, right? In that mode, there's a lot of psychologists now who talk about how when you're reactive, you go back to the age that you were when that wound was created. So, you know, when you're in a relationship and you're like, "You're so childish." It's like, yes, I am childish because currently I'm 5 years old.

Ashlieya: Right, because that's when this mother wound originated.

Sophie: Yeah, that's what you are working from in that moment. And you're totally unconscious, totally unconscious. You don't have control over yourself in that moment. And that's why the shadow work is so important: to gain control, to gain self-awareness, literally. And that’s what I wanted to say earlier, is that… oh, I think I did say, I really believe that shadow work is the gateway to authenticity. 

Ashlieya: Yes. 

Sophie: Because it is the gateway to consciousness. I’m sure there are other ways. I’m biased, of course, because it’s what I do. But I really so strongly believe that it is the gateway to becoming conscious and aware of why we do what we do and who we are.

Most of us, like the science that says—Joe Dispenza talks about it—by the time you are 30, it’s like 80% of what you do is automated or something, right?

Ashlieya: I’m going to his next retreat, by the way. I'm so excited. Yeah, I love him. Go on.

Sophie: So a lot of the automation might not be hindering you, but a lot of it is because it's from the shadow. It's those patterns that we're stuck in that we don't want to be, but we don't know how to get out of. And that's what's so frustrating. It can hinder your life in so many ways: you're attracting really disrespectful people into your life, you're attracting cheating partners, or you're not able to make healthy relationships, or just make friends, or be fulfilled in your job. There's all sorts of things. Also with health as well, it can stop you from eating healthily, going to the gym, doing what you need for your body.

Ashlieya: Totally.

Sophie: It's so sneaky. It's so sneaky, and that's why doing the digging is so important to really understand: "Why can't I? What is getting in the way of me not being able to do this? Because my conscious mind is very invested in doing this thing. My conscious mind is like, 'I'm gonna do this thing.'" But there's something that stops me from doing it, and what is that? That is the shadow.

Ashlieya: Yes. Just speaking for myself—and this might relate to you as well, and then I think we can wrap up this first episode here—but in my desperation to choose to transform, to definitely make the decision where I was gonna go, "Okay, I am going to, for the better, improve. I'm going to grow, I'm going to expand, I'm going to change, right?" And change being the operative word there. I moved forward in my life very consciously going, "I'm going to start navigating things differently," because I was really unhappy.

And I, for a long time, didn't think I could be happy. I literally thought I was a broken person that was dealing with all this negative karma because I was the descendant of this monster, and I was this spawn of the devil that was simply here to be this awful human being that was contributing in all these detrimental ways. It was terrible. Coming out the other side, I feel the exact opposite. Now my life is committed to the better, and the good, and the light. In order to get there, to what you're saying, I had to honor the dark. I had to honor the fact that there were parts of me that did not serve. And I had to look at them and get really comfortable with them.

To this day, there are parts of me... I have this small joke with those in my inner circle, I’m like, I’m bitchy, and I love it. Sometimes, I'm not perfect. Sometimes I don't navigate things the best way, the most efficient way, the most constructive way. There are parts of myself that I looked at in that way, and went, “I am going to change this,” and I did. And then there were other parts where I said, "You know what? I like being bitchy every once in a while, and that's okay.” I like sleeping in sometimes. I call it my "hurkle-durkle" days. I like hurkle-durkle every once in a while, I love it. I sleep in, and in some ways am perceived as lazy, maybe, from someone externally looking in, and I don't care, because you go back to that non-judgment and that idea of unconditional love. And it takes both. It takes the dark and the light.

But if there are things that you really don’t want… I looked at it as my depression. I was told that I was a depressed person. I'm diagnosed with depression, I had chronic depression, and for years I was medicated. There were several doctors that said, "Well, this is just the way your brain is. This is just the way you are." And eventually, I said, "Fuck that." And I chose to change. I chose to change. So my point is that there are times where you take the hard looks and you have your list of things where you go, "Well, this isn't great," and you can pick the ones that you want to invest in, you can pick the ones that you want to completely transform, and then you can keep the other ones and be okay with the way that they are. You have the power, and that is your choice.

Sophie: Do you know what's so beautiful about what you just said? In your chart—I just had another little look, by the way, because I wanted to refresh it in my mind—you're so individual in your chart. If anyone looks at their chart, you'll see boxes and lines, and you can imagine it like a circuit board, right? Your circuitry, the way that your energy flows, is very individualistic. Some people are more tribal; they're more about their people, their family, and their closer tribe. Then there's some people that are collective, and they're all about sharing and experiences—you're actually quite collective, having all the experiences, right? But then there's also individual. They’re the basic ones; let’s just stop there for now.

The individual is really interesting. I also have mainly individual, which is what I mentioned before. It's very transmutative. The thing is, with individual energy, it has an on-off pulse. We live in a world where we are addicted to productivity—growing 10% every year, whatever it is. Growth on growth on growth, productivity, hustle culture, all that stuff…

Ashlieya: Measuring success, status, yep.

Sophie: And so your energy, even though your generator somewhat fits into that productivity, which is great, this on-off pulse does not fit into that. So, there could have been a huge judgment over your off-time. Your off-time can really feel like you don't have any energy. Lack of energy, lack of motivation. 

Ashlieya: Yep.

Sophie: Right? Lack of motivation to change. Because it's very transformative, it wants transformation and change constantly, and when the change doesn't come, it gets down. The thing is, it's supposed to flow. It goes on, it goes off, and it's a flow, and it is just natural if you don't make it mean something, if you don't have a judgment over it. But if you have a judgment over being off and having no energy, then you try and force it. People in general drink coffee, take drugs, whatever it is, right, to be on all the time. And that doesn't work. Then you get stuck in the off. You can literally get stuck in the off because that creates thoughts, and then all those negative thoughts keep you locked into that off pulse, all those judgments.

When you let go of that, exactly what you said is so beautiful: sometimes you're lazy, right? That's so totally in your chart. The release of judgment there is so profound because you just allow yourself to go with the flow, literally.

Ashlieya: Yeah. 

Sophie: You're good with your flow. 

Ashlieya: I listen to my body, I listen to my intuition, my guides. I have an inner compass now that helps me navigate between what is good for me and what is not, and it completely transformed my life. It's absolutely wonderful, and I'm very, very grateful for it.

So thank you so much for being here. We'll take a chance to wrap up. 

I want to hear from you. Have you done anything with human design? I'm very curious. Is human design something that you would be interested in learning more about? I have a contact for you! So let me know, drop a comment, drop a line. You can find me on Instagram @ashlieya_ or @buildersofabetterworld. Like, comment, subscribe, join the collective. We want to hear from you. Please feel free to be involved. Thank you so much and we'll see you next time. 

Thank you so much for being here. Yay, I love you. 

Sophie: That was fun!

Ashlieya: Heck yeah.

Thank you for joining us here at the Builders of a Better World podcast. Please share, subscribe, comment, and be sure to pass this episode along for anyone who may need it. See you next time.