Episode 10 - Using Judgment Without Losing Your Peace: Mystic Wisdom for a Better World

New Episode - Using Judgment Without Losing Your Peace: Mystic Wisdom for a Better World

There are moments in life that invite us to pause, reflect, and ask deeper questions about how we move through the world. This episode of Builders of a Better World is one of those moments. In a thoughtful and expansive conversation, Ashlieya and Neff explore what it means to use judgment as a tool for clarity and direction without letting it pull us out of peace, coherence, or compassion.

The conversation begins with a recent trip to Scotland and a piece of content Ashlieya created there about judgment. But what unfolds is much more than a discussion of a social media clip or a single moment of reaction. It becomes an exploration of mysticism, self-awareness, emotional responsibility, and the inner work required to live with greater alignment. At its heart, this episode asks a simple but powerful question: how do we discern wisely without becoming reactive?

Ashlieya shares how the inspiration for her Scotland video came from reflecting on the role of the mystic and what it means to live as someone who seeks truth, meaning, and higher understanding. For her, the word mystic is not decorative or abstract. It is deeply personal, carefully chosen, and rooted in the way she sees her purpose in the world. That lens shapes the entire conversation, bringing depth and intention to the way she talks about judgment, perception, and the responsibility that comes with awareness.

Judgment as a tool

One of the central ideas in this episode is that judgment is not inherently bad. In fact, both Ashlieya and Neff discuss how judgment is part of human nature and can serve as a useful tool when it is used consciously. Rather than treating judgment as something to suppress or deny, they invite listeners to examine how judgment can help us navigate our lives, identify what aligns with us, and recognize what does not.

That distinction matters. Judgment becomes harmful when it is used to condemn, project, or perpetuate negativity. But when it is used with awareness, it can serve as a guide. It can help us notice where we are triggered, what we are resonating with, and which paths bring us closer to our highest values. In this episode, that idea is explored with clarity and nuance, making space for a healthier and more conscious understanding of discernment.

The conversation also touches on the idea that what we notice in others often reveals something about ourselves. If we are strongly reactive to someone’s arrogance, cruelty, or rudeness, it may be because some part of us recognizes that energy. This does not mean we are doomed to repeat it. Instead, it offers an opportunity for self-inquiry, healing, and integration. Judgment, then, becomes less about assigning blame and more about revealing what still needs attention within us.

The inside-out life

A major thread throughout the episode is the idea that life is experienced from the inside out. Our outer world is filtered through our internal landscape—our beliefs, identity, history, emotional patterns, and the meaning we assign to events. Ashlieya speaks passionately about this, emphasizing that our environment is not simply something we passively receive. It is shaped by how we perceive it.

This perspective leads to one of the episode’s most memorable themes: being “unbothered.” For Ashlieya, living unbothered is not about avoidance or denial. It is about cultivating enough self-awareness, peace, and inner coherence that external circumstances do not easily destabilize us. When we have done enough inner work, we are less easily triggered, less consumed by other people’s behavior, and less likely to react from pain or ego.

Neff helps ground this idea by emphasizing that we cannot control other people, but we can control how we respond. That simple truth becomes one of the episode’s anchors. We are always choosing what meaning to assign, what energy to carry, and how to engage with the world around us. In that sense, the episode becomes not just philosophical, but practical. It offers a framework for moving through daily life with more intention and less chaos.

A better way to respond

The episode also explores the difference between reacting and responding. Reactivity tends to emerge when we are unintegrated, unexamined, or emotionally hooked. Response, on the other hand, comes from a place of coherence. It is rooted in choice, not impulse. That difference is especially important when we are confronted with behavior we perceive as harmful, rude, or unjust.

Ashlieya and Neff speak directly to the temptation to fight fire with fire. They challenge the idea that being hurt gives us permission to hurt others in return. Instead, they point to a higher path: one where we can stand up for ourselves, advocate for what is right, and hold boundaries without losing our center. This is not passivity. It is disciplined, values-based action.

That approach is especially relevant in a world that often rewards outrage and escalation. This episode offers another model—one grounded in truth, compassion, and personal responsibility. It reminds us that choosing love does not mean surrendering discernment. Choosing peace does not mean abandoning justice. It means refusing to let dissonance dictate our character.

Mystic wisdom in practice

What gives this episode its unique tone is the way it weaves spiritual insight with practical human experience. The language is expansive, but the message is grounded. Ashlieya speaks from the perspective of someone who is not only thinking about these ideas, but actively living them. She talks about transmuting energy, integrating shadow, and understanding the paradox of human nature. Neff reflects and reinforces those themes with clarity, helping to bring the conversation into focus.

That’s what makes this episode resonate. It is not a lecture. It is a lived conversation between two people trying to make sense of what it means to be conscious, compassionate, and responsible in a complicated world. The idea of mysticism here is not about distance from life. It is about deeper participation in it. It is about learning how to see clearly, respond wisely, and remain aligned even when challenged.

At several points, the episode returns to the importance of leading by being. That phrase captures the spirit of the conversation beautifully. Instead of trying to force change through control, Ashlieya and Neff suggest that transformation happens when we embody the values we want to see. If we want more kindness, we become kinder. If we want more integrity, we become more truthful. If we want a better world, we begin by building it within ourselves.

Why this episode matters

This episode arrives at a time when many people are feeling overwhelmed by division, judgment, and emotional noise. That makes its message especially timely. It offers a reminder that not every reaction deserves our energy, and not every opinion deserves our alignment. It encourages listeners to slow down, get honest with themselves, and use discernment in ways that create more peace rather than more chaos.

For anyone navigating conflict, struggling with comparison, or trying to find a more grounded way to engage with the world, this conversation offers both comfort and challenge. It comforts by affirming that imperfection is part of being human. It challenges by asking us to take responsibility for how we perceive, respond, and contribute.

Using Judgment Without Losing Your Peace: Mystic Wisdom for a Better World is an invitation to move more consciously through life. It is a reminder that wisdom is not just something we think about—it is something we practice. And when we practice it well, we become part of the very world we hope to create.

Episode 10 - Using Judgment Without Losing Your PeaceBuilders of a Better World

39:09

Transcript:

Welcome to Builders of a Better World Podcast, a space for depth, clarity, and honest conversation, where presence matters more than performance. Let’s begin.

Lieya: Welcome back to the Builders of a Better World Podcast. Welcome back to the Sanctuary, where we have conversations all around building a better world. That’s why we’re here.

Neff: Absolutely. 

Lieya: Knowing and understanding that building a better world is an inward-to-outward process.

Neff: I’m so glad that you said that. 

Lieya: Why, Neff? Tell me why.

Neff: Because that goes perfectly with what I think we should talk about today.

Lieya: You don’t say.

Neff: I do say.

Lieya:  Share, please.

Neff: I was watching a video clip that you made while you were in Scotland. Yes?

Lieya: I was, I was in Scotland.

Neff: It was about when you’re judging people. Right?

Lieya: Yes. Do we give the backstory on where that came from for me? Or do we not?

Neff: Oh, sure. Cool.

Lieya: Because we can edit it.

Neff: We can edit it. We can totally cut it out. Yeah, tell the story about the whole judging thing.

Lieya: Perfect. So judging is something I’ve tried very hard to be mindful of. I talk about it a lot, I talk about it in my Unbothered Blueprint. I talk about it as it pertains to women. I talk about using it as a tool for navigation, which we’ll get into.

However, the inspiration for the content that you are speaking of, and that which I shot in Scotland, I was sharing my thoughts about the role of a mystic in being a mystic and what that means for me. How I assign meaning to it. How I define it.

Because I consider myself a mystic. It’s very rare that I associate my identity with certain words. I’m very particular about the words I use as it pertains to myself, and that which I choose to identify with. And mystic is definitely a word that I identify with, very profoundly so.

And I’ll do, I could do a whole podcast just on that. What that means.

Neff: I would agree.

Ashlieya: Yes. Stay tuned. The vote. Do you want it? Put in the comments below if you want a podcast on what it means for Lieya to be a mystic.

Neff: Absolutely. Sorry.

Ashlieya: Or put in the comments if you don’t want a video about that, if you want a video about something else, please. 

Neff: Sure. Give us subjects. We can talk about anything. Yeah, absolutely. 

Ashlieya: Voter’s choice. I’m all about that, actually. Please do. Let us know what you want to hear. Or don’t hear.

So, I participated in an event that we are going to do future episodes about that was led, orchestrated—“orchestrated” is a good word—by Sir Robert Grant.

And you always know, you know, just in the way the world works, that when you do something of any type of significance, but it was a little theatrical, in a good way, and I have an understanding of why that is.

I was there. I was standing… I was the young girl in the crowd, as it’s been stated. And I have my whole perspective on that experience, what that experience was for me, and I’m absolutely going to share that on another episode.

There was a lot of response that came from people who witnessed this directly or indirectly, this experience, this event. And there was a lot of reactionary—I use the word reactionary—responses.

One woman, who identifies as a mystic, had a lot of really negative things to say about it. And it came from what I call just a really empty sense of judgment. It was very judgmental. And not really in a productive, constructive, “I’m going to use this as my navigation system” sort of way. But it was more a perpetuation of negativity and low-vibrating energy. It was more, you know, contributing to kind of icky vibes.

And as a mystic, I’m like, but… I really feel an obligation to not perpetuate the low-vibrating, to not… There’s a way to positively advocate. There’s a way to speak with truth and love. And there’s a way to exercise judgment that keeps you in that alignment of truth and love.

And that’s what we’re going to talk about today. Yes?

Neff: Yes, that’s perfect. And I wanted to really emphasize what you said as far as utilizing judgment as a tool, because it is human nature to judge. It really is. And we compare ourselves to each other all the time, and you may say, well, I’m not gonna do that that way, you know, whatever. But if we can utilize judging as a tool…

You mentioned inward-to-outward experience, right? That’s what our life is here about, right? That’s progression. We’re gonna go inward to outward.

Ashlieya: Right. That which you feel inward is a direct reflection of how you’re going to perceive the outward.

So, your external environments, as you perceive them, are only going to be colored, painted, dictated by that which is internally established, set. You’re seeing through the eyes of that which you have internally built or cultivated, that which you are, your identity, your ego, all the experiences you’ve ever had to this point, everything you’ve ever learned or come to understand, is going to be what influences your perception of the external world. Everything that happens to you, your experiences, that’s what shapes or paints the reality in which you live.

Neff: So that you see, you see with, right?

Ashlieya: That you see, you see with. I say this all the time.

Neff: Right?

Ashlieya: I love when you say it back to me. It gives me such a satisfying, like, I don’t know what that is. It’s like a just gratifying, oh, like, yes, because it’s something I just feel so profoundly.

Neff: So, if you believe that that you see, you see with, then if you are judging someone…

Ashlieya: Mm-hmm. You are not being the mystic. 

Neff: But what are you doing? What are you noticing? What does that come from, then?

Ashlieya: If you perceive someone with an unchecked ego, it means you are understanding. There’s a piece of you that resonates with unchecked ego. If you perceive somebody to be rude, it’s because you know rudeness. You know rudeness because you understand rudeness. You understand rudeness because on some level you can resonate with rudeness.

You are only able to perceive that which you can conceive. If it’s something you fundamentally do not understand, it literally does not come into your awareness. There is a semblance of attachment to that thing in the ability to define it. Or you wouldn’t even be aware of it as definable. 

Are you in alignment with that? Yes?

Neff: I’m completely in alignment with that. And I think that, so, you know, taking that information, understanding that concept, again, is how we can then use judgment as a tool.

Ashlieya: Well, it all comes down to a knowing of thyself.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: Because, again, your internal orientation, your internal perspective on life, is what is going to determine your outer environment and the way you interact with this outer environment.

If there are pieces of you that are at peace, you will find yourself far less reactionary to the outer world, to your environment. You are in a state of what I consider to be greater than your environment. You are navigating your life, what I call unbothered. I literally teach this. I have an Unbothered Blueprint. If you’re interested, let me know.

You have less triggers. You have less reactionary—that is, by default or automatic, a, quote unquote, knee-jerk reaction. You have less nerves to be struck, less buttons to be pushed, because you are so attentively, intentionally mindful of what those buttons are. And you have assigned intentional meaning to those and those alone, and therefore, there is very little that can get a rise out of you.

Right? I teach this. I write about this. This is everything that I practice and how I live my life. It’s how I live my life unbothered. That’s how I have very little reactionary responses to things, how I’m so not easily offended. It’s really, really hard to offend me, actually. It’s really hard to upset me unless you’re my best friend or, you know, my significant other. Yeah. You know, then, again, because it doesn’t have the meaning.

So, I need to preface by introducing the judgment spectrum.

Neff: Yes. Uh, before we get to that, really fast, though…

Ashlieya: Yes.

Neff: I just, when I’m listening to you talk about this kind of a thing, I get reminded of different ideas and concepts that we’ve talked about several times. And one of them is, I mean, you say the things internal to external, all of this stuff, and it’s like, what do we ultimately have control over? Right? Like what do we ultimately have control over?

Ashlieya: That which we assign meaning to.

Neff: That which we assign meaning to…

Ashlieya: Which has to do with the spectrum of…

Neff: Exactly. And ourselves. I mean, internally. You know what I mean?

Ashlieya: Right. 

Neff: We can’t control anybody we’re judging. It’s not possible, right? 

Ashlieya: You can control your perception of them.

Neff: Exactly. 

Ashlieya: So…

Neff: And this is where you’re getting at. That’s what I’m talking about.

Ashlieya: You, there’s a spectrum of good versus bad. Right? There’s the high-vibrating, there’s the low-vibrating, there are the things that we say, “Hmm, this is nice and comforting and delicious, joy, celebration, love, all the things” — that’s on the good side. We take all the events, people, energies, vibrations, moments in our life, and we put them on the good spectrum. Great. It’s on that side of the spectrum. Fantastic.

The other side are things that are upsetting to us, things that invoke this dissonance, right? The misalignment of our coherent selves. We’re not living our best lives when we’re navigating on this side of the bad spectrum, quote unquote, right?

So, that mystic was saying, I view something I’m putting on the bad spectrum. And I’m gonna speak with words that arguably stay on the bad spectrum. I’m going to navigate from this emotion that I would place on the bad side of the spectrum. Right? And therein I am perpetuating that which is on the bad side of the spectrum.

So when you’re doing that, when you’re viewing something as not good, you assign bad meaning to it, and then you respond in a way that is not the direct opposite of that which you observed. You are, for one, perpetuating that which you don’t like.

Why? Why does that happen? And we’ll talk about that in a second.

So we go through life saying these are good and this is bad. And we can do a whole podcast on just the good versus bad, the judgment spectrum.

The purpose of practicing judgment, the reason we have free will, is so that we can choose action, words, thoughts, feelings, and alignment that maintains our energy, our coherence, which lands us on the more good-to-neutral side of that spectrum.

So, bad, quote unquote, comes into our purview for two reasons.

One, it is designed to help elevate us from a vibrational frequency. It gives an opportunity to present itself as something that is not at peace or content within us, so that we can transmute that energy and that frequency. We can have this beautiful integration of that piece of ourself. And it no longer gets a rise out of us because we have made peace with it. We have transmuted it. We have adopted it into ourselves as part of us that no longer has purpose or meaning because we have learned the lesson required from that thing. We have adopted the utmost forgiveness, the utmost compassion, and the utmost understanding of what that is. We no longer need to review it or relearn it. It integrates into who we are, and then we resume our life on the good side of the spectrum.

That’s one reason the bad comes into our awareness.

The other reason is so that we have something to measure against, to keep us navigationally going towards our North Star, which is our highest and best, which can only be pursued and achieved from our highest aligned coherent frequency.

So the things that come into our purview that we go, “Oh, I don’t resonate with that when I’m in alignment. It’s not for me. This is my path. That person is not my associate. They’re not meant to be someone I break bread with.”

It’s not that we hate them. We don’t blame them. We don’t, in some way, in any way, try to hurt them or harm them. We simply let them.

Bless and praise. I send you positive energy, if you want it. Otherwise, tell me to go shite myself. And that’s totally fine. Totally fine. And I’m gonna go this direction, right?

It’s a navigation tool. The judgment spectrum is a navigation tool, only a navigation tool. Never is it a casting judgment onto someone or something for the sake of perpetuating that thing.

You’re navigating from a state of dissonance. That which you see, you see with. If you perceive somebody to be on an ego trip, you are being triggered, ignited, provoked, because you have a piece of yourself that you have not integrated and alchemized to do with an unchecked ego. That is why it provokes such a reactionary response.

Right? And that’s okay. It’s always okay to say, I am not going to behave that way. I’m perceiving something that I don’t want to emulate, that I don’t want in my auric field, that I don’t want among my loved ones. Great. Be the opposite of that.

Neff: Yeah, I would think about reaction, right?

Ashlieya: Mm-hmm.

Neff: I know that quote that you said, uh, if you fight fire with fire…

Ashlieya: You burn the house down.

Neff: That doesn’t do anyone any service. 

Ashlieya: If you’re perceiving hate, your obligation is to be love.

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: You don’t wound because you are wounded.

Neff: Exactly. 

Ashlieya: It’s like the hunted doesn’t become the hunter. You’re just on the other side of the problem. You’re just on the other side of the dissonance. You’re just the dissonance from a different perspective.

Neff: Yeah, you’re contributing to higher vibration, higher, higher vibrating living.vAbsolutely. 

Ashlieya: If you use someone as having an unchecked ego, is, does my ego go unchecked? Where does my ego go unchecked? Do I have fear of an unchecked ego? What about this moment is provoking to me?

That which you see, you see with. If I see an asshole, it’s because I’m seeing through asshole eyes. I know what it’s like to be the asshole. So I’m hating the asshole when really I’m hating that piece of myself.

Everything we ever experience, every human we ever encounter, is only filtered through our own perception. It’s only filtered through our own perception. That which you perceive is only that which you can conceive. So, you’re choosing to view that person the way you’re viewing them. 

Neff: Absolutely. 

Ashlieya: With limited information on what it actually is to be that person, because your perspective has more to do with you than them. 

Neff: Right. 

Ashlieya: Always. 

Neff: Your experiences are programming your view.

Ashlieya: That which you’re at peace with is unprovokable.

Neff: Right. 

Ashlieya: That which you have transmuted, alchemized, become oh, so absorbingly content with, there’s nothing to cause reaction. It doesn’t ignite that fire. So anytime someone pushes a button, it’s your opportunity to go, is this a chance for me to alchemize this? Do I transmute this, integrate it, forgive it, acknowledge it, move through it, take the lesson?

Neff: Yeah, take the lesson, right?

Ashlieya: And or, do I simply recognize it as a means of keeping me on my trajectory? My higher path? My acknowledgement, I don’t resonate at that frequency, that’s just simply not for me. It’s a navigation tool. 

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: No more, no less. That which has meaning, it only has the meaning you assign to it. So be mindful of what you put on that bad spectrum. Be mindful of what you choose to be reactionary toward. What are you wanting to be provoked by?

Neff: Yeah. You could view it as, you know, you could be grateful for the opportunity to alchemize it. You could be grateful for the opportunity to see what it is, for that perspective view as well, right?

Ashlieya: Any action taken must come from coherence.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: You can stand up against perceived injustice. 

Neff: Right. 

Ashlieya: But you’re navigating from a state of love, from a state of truth, from a state of being the change.

Neff: Right. 

Ashlieya: Being the change, not being the same, not being a replicant, a replica of, not perpetuating the same, that what you’re judging, damning, accusing of wrong, you’re going to do the thing that counters that, what you were against or opposing or reactionary to.

People can have passionate responses to injustices that they perceive, you know, wrongdoings onto people who are perceivably less deserving. That’s beautiful, as long as it’s accurate and you’re not projecting. But if you come from an aligned state of peace with the utmost positive intention, and you navigate your decision with that pure intention, you’re never gonna do harm. 

Neff: Right? 

Ashlieya: You’re never gonna do harm.

It’s not destructive. It’s impossible for it to be destructive. You’re evaluating at a frequency and taking action from a frequency that is nothing but love and benevolence, compassion, forgiveness, understanding.

And that’s what it means to be the change. If you’re upset with someone for being ego-driven, for not being considerate, for rudeness, for whatever the situation is, then simply embody and emit the opposite of that and be the change.

That is our obligation, especially as a mystic.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: Especially as someone who seeks to understand the divine, and all the powers in which that be, and all the magic and the miracles that are among us throughout the world, 3D and otherwise. Like, we’re here to understand and teach and practice and embody that knowing and that wisdom. We have access to this wisdom.

Neff: With greater understanding comes greater responsibility.

Ashlieya: Exactly. 

Neff: With greater understanding and awareness comes greater responsibility. 

Ashlieya: That which you see, you see with.

Neff: Absolutely.

Ashlieya: So that’s… Yeah, it’s, I mean, let me make sure we’ve hit all our points here, but yeah, when you’re… I’ll just say it one more time. Be careful with what you assign meaning to. Because when you’re placing something on that bad side of the spectrum, you are, inherently, taking a trip with your energy to that bad side of the spectrum. That which you see, you see with.

So if you’re seeing jealousy, if you’re seeing insecurity, if you’re seeing hate, if you’re seeing malintent, you are seeing from that frequency. You resonate at that frequency. You may not want to accept that, but, you know, inherently, you have that within you. And that’s a moment.

Neff: And there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Ashlieya: Nothing wrong with it. 

Neff: It’s becoming aware of it, understanding what it is, and then utilizing it as a tool to bring higher frequencies into the world.

Ashlieya: Judgment is a navigation guide or tool. It helps to understand where you are most coherent and in alignment.

Neff: Absolutely. 

Ashlieya: That is it. When you place something on that spectrum, you’re looking at it from a state of, what part of me is needing resolve as it pertains to this? Is this simply something that is meant to help me act in accordance with a different direction?

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: That’s it. Those are the two questions.

When you’re at peace with every part of yourself, truly at peace, you are not provoked by external circumstances. You’re not able to—you’re immune. You’re immune to it.

We all have our things, and the self improvement journey is never ending and this human life, by definition, as a human, we’re navigating through a faulty filter. We are fallible. We’re fallible.

Neff: Right.

Ashlieya: And the nature of what we are, beautifully, beautifully, we’re meant to be that. We are meant to be the observers of ourselves, which is what everyone else is—an extension of ourselves, from different perspectives and orientations.

Okay, you’re doing that thing over there that I perceive as dissonant? Cool. I’m not gonna do that. 

Neff: Right? 

Ashlieya: I’m gonna do nothing like that. I’m gonna be the embodiment of love and forgiveness and empathy and growth and expansion and happiness and joy. How can I go do that?

Neff: Every time you have these experiences, you have the opportunity to make that choice.

Ashlieya: That’s right. That’s right. When you fight fire with fire, you burn the house down.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: You can’t fight hate with hate. It feels like an overly stated, trite, cliche sentiment, but it is so true. You must be the change.

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: You must be the change.

Neff: If you do eye for eye, everyone’s blind.

Ashlieya: Exactly. Yeah, that’s exactly right.

So, that which you see, you see with. Be the embodiment of your truth, your love, your peace, maintain your coherence in alignment with all that is right and good and true for you, and let the rest be. If you feel called to do something, take action from that coherent state.

We can move mountains. We can move mountains.

Neff: Can you imagine if everybody embodied this?

Ashlieya: Yes, I can.

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: And that’s why we talk about it. 

Neff: Yeah, how much influence that would be, to move us at a higher vibration… to a higher vibration? Amazing.

Ashlieya: I want to say one other thing before we finish this.

That’s what the mission of the school programs was—to help the kids understand, through social-emotional learning, that’s what that was meant to be, from a conceptualized perspective. It’s, you know, when you’re viewing something that has simply the opportunity to be redirected as you view it, for the sake of greater benefit, more positive, more joy, comfort, learning. The choice in how to inspire this redirection… I feel very, very strongly as a teacher, as an educator, as a leader, as a mystic, we must be the influence. We must be the embodiment of that positive thing.

Whatever situation or context, behavior modification, whatever you’re trying to realign, whatever you’re viewing as an opportunity for greater growth, expansion, emission of a higher frequency, you must be the change. Be the example. You’re the guide, not because you’re instructing or commanding or forcing, but because you, yourself, are leading. You, yourself, are the example of—you are the embodiment of that which you are trying to see or cultivate or create from that context, whatever that situation is.

That’s what social-emotional learning is intended to be.

And my hope for educators, for the sake of themselves but of course for the sake of the result and influence it has over the kids, is that there becomes a greater understanding of that. That leading by being. You know, not the “Do as I say,” but more so “Reflect what I do.”

Neff: Absolutely. 

Ashlieya: And, you know, there’s… that’s something, that’s my mission and purpose in this life, is to be an example of all that I speak about. And I intend to speak true with love and peace.

The staff of Hermes, and like, I have a whole story about that. That’s just, it’s like, so ingrained into who I am. Speak true with love and peace, and be the example of that.

I have such a strong response to rudeness. And it’s because I have the ability to be rude. 

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: I have it in me to be so rude. I have it in me to be so wicked, to be so nasty, so confrontational, so contrarian, so demeaning, so disrespectful.

I have that in me. And that’s okay. Honestly, I kind of like her sometimes. You know, there’s a dark part of me that’s like, mm, she’s fun. But not in an outward, I treat people that way. I don’t take her out into the world and let her run around. She’s like, for me, you know, I’m home, alone, thinking my thoughts, you know, eating my popcorn, watching a show. Like, I could have come back with a nastier response.

Like, you know, there’s just things like that where it has value for the sake of your own entertainment. But because I know that, and I recognize that, and I care very much about how I contribute to things. So, I have to be the opposite of rude.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: Which is what? I mean, it’s profound kindness. 

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: It’s benevolence, it’s generosity. It’s like, no, I do everything I can, so just be the sunshine. Because I don’t like rudeness. 

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: So, the greatest challenge that also produces the greatest reward—reward doesn’t even begin to cover it—is when someone is rude to you, and you can reflect back that kindness. When you can be that sunshine in response, when you can be that change, you be as though you wish they had been to you, and to the rest of the world, in response to your perception of their rudeness.

Which, more often than not, is misunderstood anyway, because we’re all usually wrong. We have only a very limited amount of information, and again, our perception is way more to do with us than them.

Neff: Yeah, we shouldn’t be assuming anything, really.

Ashlieya: Exactly. Assumptions, presumptions, it’s just… no, don’t do it. You just respond with kindness. You just be that which you want to see in the world.

So there’s positive advocating. There’s positive advocating for yourself. There’s positive advocating for others. You can be the change. You can stand up to injustice. You can say, I’m not going to be bullied. I’m not going to be a doormat. You’re not gonna walk over me. I’m gonna maintain this boundary. I have a lot of love for myself. I have a lot of respect for my family, for this endeavor, and you can stand up for things. And you can do so from that state of aligned coherence.

Neff: Yeah, it’s not about ignoring it. It’s not about getting stepped on. It’s not about any of that. 

Ashlieya: It’s about not losing your temper with that child who’s only 8 years old. It’s about not fighting fire with fire. It’s about not perceiving something that you don’t like because you’re unaware of that which you don’t like about yourself. 

Neff: And contributing to the higher-vibrating side of the scale. 

Ashlieya: Being greater than your environment. Being the change you wish to see in the world.

Neff: Absolutely. 

Ashlieya: Building a better world.

Neff: From the inside…

Ashlieya and Neff: Out.

Ashlieya: Yes! Easier said than done. We know, whatever. 

Neff: Of course, of course. 

Ashlieya: Give it a go. I practice what I preach. I am the product of all that I put out into the world. I can say it definitively. I am built by that which I speak of. We all are, consciously or unconsciously.

Neff: And I have seen it. I have seen the transmutation of energy. She’s not… she’s doing a great job. I mean, amazing. It’s beautiful.

Ashlieya: I am the queen, and definitely a reformed evil queen.

Neff: Yes, absolutely.

Ashlieya: And that is okay.

Neff: And that is okay.

Ashlieya: We integrate. We transmute. That is the purity. That is the purity of a leader, of a guru, of a true queen—that which has taken the good and the bad. 

Neff: The perception is there, right? The yin and the yang, the awareness makes it possible to choose.

Ashlieya: That’s right.

Neff: And what have we been choosing? What are we trying to choose, right? We’ve been trying to choose to be high-vibrating—to love, gratitude, forgiveness, joy.

Ashlieya: Knowing there’s a dot… a little dot in the yin and the yang, right? You got… 

Neff: You can’t have good without bad. You can’t. 

Ashlieya: You know it’s in you. 

Neff: Yeah, yeah. 

Ashlieya: And you’re grateful for it, because you know it. So it’s in your awareness, you’ve done that lesson. 

Neff: You have the choice. 

Ashlieya: You’ve done that lesson. The more wicked I come to terms with, as far as what I’m able to perceive, and I make peace with it and I forgive it… I forgive it.

Neff: Yeah. Give yourself grace. 

Ashlieya: Then you get to move on to other things.

It’s always in there. It’s always a part of you. You always have the understanding. That is where your empathy comes from. 

Neff: Absolutely. 

Ashlieya: The expansion of your compassion. Yeah. And therein, the ability to navigate life unbothered.

Neff: Right.

Ashlieya: What? 

Neff: How can you forgive others if you can’t forgive yourself? I mean, ultimately, right?

Ashlieya: I know jealousy. I know insecurity. Yes. I know what it feels to be stupid. Yeah, yeah. I know what those would be—ugly. I know what it feels to be wicked, mean, nasty. You know what? I know what it feels to be beautiful. 

Neff: Right.

Ashlieya: And I know what it feels to be giving, and I know what it feels to be honorable and honest and genuine and so passionate about life and beauty, and stand in awe of what is just so magical about this existence.

You have to have the contrast. That is the paradox. That is the duality. You live in that world. We talk about it all the time. That’s the 3D existence. The good and the bad. You have to have it. You have to integrate it. You are that.

You are all that is creation in this life. We are the balance. And we have free will. We have free will.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: And you get to dance with the devil every once in a while. It’s like the best of all the worlds.

Neff: Yeah.

Ashlieya: Right? We get to be the angel, navigate life as the doers of good and pure and… 

Neff: Contributors of happiness and joy. 

Ashlieya: Yes. We are honorable. We have integrity. We navigate with our authenticity. We let our freak flag shine, for whatever our uniqueness is, and all of our individuated passions and creativity. We stand in this divine childlike experience of learning and expansion, and knowing nothing, and we’re playing with it, and we’re dancing in delight.

And then you also, every once in a while, get to indulge in sinning, in the vices, in the, oh shit, I shouldn’t have done that. But it happened, so we move on.

Neff: That’s part of the lesson of life. Absolutely.

Ashlieya: Yes. The human existence is amazing. You get to have sex and overeat and do all these things that in no other realm do you get to experience the same way. It’s a beautiful gift. A beautiful, beautiful, beautiful gift.

And you make peace with the understanding that all that is is what is meant to be. And as soon as you recognize that you’re veering on that not-so-great side of the spectrum…

Neff: Right.

Ashlieya: All you gotta do is choose to shift back.

Neff: Yeah, yeah. 

Ashlieya: That’s all you gotta do. 

Neff: It’s, again, the awareness and then the choice. Awareness. Choice. 

Ashlieya: Stay not in the extreme. We’ll have another podcast about that another time.

Neff: Yeah. 

Ashlieya: Thank you so much for being here. 

Neff: Like and subscribe.

Ashlieya: Like and subscribe. Be mindful of where you fall on the spectrum. Be mindful of where you exercise judgment. 

Neff: Use it as a tool for your benefit, which will then…

Ashlieya: …benefit everyone. 

Neff: …make the world better. Yeah, absolutely. Build a better world. Right, absolutely.

Ashlieya: Being the best you builds the best world.

Neff: Yes, yes.

Ashlieya: If you see assholes, change glasses.

Neff: Yeah, sure. 

Ashlieya: Do you see angels or do you see assholes? Okay, love you guys. Thank you so much. Like, comment, subscribe, and we’ll see you next time. Cheers.

Neff: Cheers.

Thank you for joining us here at the Builders of a Better World podcast. Please share, subscribe, comment, and be sure to pass this episode along for anyone who may need it. See you next time.